Piano practice

I made an observation as I practiced piano today. I don't like to be seen for who I really am. I don't like to be vulnerable to the point that others can see me for who I truly am. In this case a bad piano student, and in others the truth that I simply don't know as much as I put on or say I know. I pretend to be a know it all so that people won't think that I am stupid. I wear a mask over my true self or identity because I am both afraid and embarrassed by who I am. I have been made fun of in the past for who I am, I have been rejected and mocked because I didn't have a knowledge of something or am unable to do something that is basic skill. So, instead of continuing to be hurt all the time and rejected I put on a mask to avoid being hurt.

Now that I am explaining this, I see that I am denying something greater than myself and an identity. I deny the calling of Christ, I deny the chance to follow him with my life through both the pleasures and the pains. Christ is rejected, mocked, made fun of, denied and much more and has called me to follow Him with my life. If I expect to follow wholeheartedly after Him, the least I could possibly do at this moment is be a good follower by being a bad student and made fun or at least uncomfortable with it.

Didn't think you would learn that by practicing piano now did ya?