Merry Christmas! - updated

Rachel and I wish everyone a Merry Christmas!

I spent the week out here in New Mexico with her and her family and enjoyed a nice break. It has been wonderful and relaxing. It has gone by like a blur and I am sad that it is almost over.

Tuesday night I flew out after catching up with a good friend of mine and getting the last of my Christmas presents for Rachel and her family. The flight was uneventful. I stayed on the same plane the whole way only getting off to re-board in a different seat. Had some good conversations on the way with the different people I sat next with. The best part of Tuesday was giving Rachel a hug at the airport when her and her dad picked me up.

The 21st is my Mom's birthday, so I was sure to call and wish her a happy birthday! If you are reading this, Happy birthday again, and I love you.

Other than that not a whole lot happened during the week. Rachel and I made plans for our date that Friday, but otherwise we just hung around and helped out on the farm as best we could. I spent a lot of time sitting in front of the fire with Rachel's dad or just calling people and wishing them a Merry Christmas (a little early).

When Friday finally came around so did the snow. Any hopes of going anywhere for a date got snowed in with us. Whiteout conditions made travel dangerous and when they closed down the highway because of the snow Rachel and I started thinking up a plan 'B'. Yet, instead of doing anything date related we each spent the day doing our own thing. Rachel worked on a project that she started and I went for a walk around their property.

I honestly was very frustrated that our date didn't work out and I needed to spend some time blowing off steam. What better than walking around eighty acres in sub freezing temperatures. I walked around the wintery desert talking to God and thinking about life. I spent a good portion of time thinking about what would come next and whether I am ready for that. Starting a job, my relationship with Rachel, and life in general. I went walking in search of an answer or some since of peace and I never felt ready to come back - back to the reality of life. The time I spent out there was invaluable and a providence from God. I really needed to spend some time away from everything and think. Even now I am wondering how Rachel and I would be different if we didn't spend that time apart or where I would be if I didn't go for that walk.

As Friday night came to a close playing cards with her and her sister, I come up with a plan B. I told her it was a little crazy and I wasn't joking. the plan consisted of getting up at 5:32am when it is close or lower than 7 degrees outside. Rachel and I bundled up and set out for the closest mountain, South Mountain, to watch the sunrise. Nearly getting stuck once we managed to park it and find a good spot just as the sun rose above the horizon in a rich red and orange.

After taking a few pictures and watching the sun come up I gave Rachel an early (despite her protest) Christmas present. A little wooden heart that I made on Monday night for just such the event. Over the summer she gave me her heart (a little wooden one that she made over the summer), it was my time to give her mine. With that we only had one direction to go - forward. So I told her I had another present for her (Still to her protest), the truest expression of my affection for her. I got down on one knee and asked if she would join me in a life long pursuit of God in marriage.... She said, "Of course, I would love to" and now we are engaged!  

As much as we wanted to stay in that moment and enjoy our romantic moment of the year - it was freezing!!! We ran back to the truck with all the hay still in the bed and drove back into town in search of breakfast or anything warm. On Christmas Eve, nothing is open - just in case you were wondering. We ended up just going back to her house and making some breakfast ourselves. So good!

The rest of Christmas Eve consisted of cleaning for the next day, wrapping presents, and building a Christmas Tree from tumble-weed. For the last three years I have been responsible for building the Christmas tree, and it is so much fun! oh yeah, and enjoying our engagement!

Christmas day! It felt like it lasted forever - early breakfast, church, got back and started cooking, opening present and having guests over for dinner. Going to a church that I only visit once a year is weird because I spend half my time catching people up concerning the previous year and what the next year will consist of. This year was "worse" because Rachel and I not only had to catch up with people but also got to tell them about our engagement! Even though I didn't know a lot of the people, I did enjoy telling and retelling the engagement story to people - it was almost like I needed to convince myself that it happened.

After church we were planning to have a few families over for dinner up top of Rachel's family, which meant lots of cooking. A turkey, ham, beef brisket, mushroom soup, and a dozen sides - What a feast! We did a full table set with multiple spoons and forks, bread and butter plates and matching cups. It was incredible and looked wonderful.

Before we sat down for dinner we spend a few minutes to open presents. I was picked to hand out the presents for everyone - like part of the family! Rachel's sister got me German Rosetta Stone, her parents got me a survival blade/pick/shovel/hatchet, Rachel got me a grilling set, her parents got me a calender. One of my personal favorites is from Rachel's older sister - a wooden sign with "Ice Cream" written on it. Reminds me of a good friend of mine who calls me that. I also got some socks for her nieces and nephews - funny story behind that one! The short of it is, I think socks are useful and when they asked me what I wanted it was the first thing that came to mind. Overall very wonderful gifts and a great time. I think I am still waiting for a few things in the mail from my sister and Dad. The best gift of all is having Rachel as a finance!

Now with a weeks worth of leftovers in the fridge and some new presents to play with, Rachel and I are enjoying the last few days before we go our ways. She has one more semester of school and I have an internship to finish up and then we will go from their. The wedding in the in planning process and we are excited to be together, we continue to seek God through His word for the wisdom that would makes marriage possible. Though having a great wedding would be awesome, having a lasting marriage is what we are really after.

Merry Christmas everyone, and a happy new year as well!

Blessings from a pilgrim

Later

Finally done

The average 22 year old has spent the majority of his life in some kind of educational institution, for some that is all they know about life. Starting as early as they are able and going until they graduate college, that is their life. They finish college and then what? I don't really know, but you are welcome to come along with me to find out, I hope their is adventure!

A lot of people that I talk to say they are really glad to be done with college and get on with life, but I will be honest and say that I enjoyed it. I don't know that I will miss the papers or homework, definitely not the school bill each month, but the people. A person makes the strongest relationships during the four years at college, some of them will last a lifetime, all of them will be missed. Just thinking about them is making me want to go visit each of them and talk the night away like we would in the dorms. Or all the nicknames... my word. And the stories that took place between the hours of 10:30pm and 2am. Haha, graduating is proof enough of God's grace for me. Good friends and great times.

Just like starting a new chapter in a good book when you don't know what is going to happen - I am starting a new chapter in my life and I have no clue what is next. I mean, I have a plan and some ideas, but what God has in store for me I will find out as it comes. But since you asked, I will share some of the plan that I have working so far.

My internship will continue another five months, until the end of May and then I am free to move about where I wish. During those five months I need to get my act together and send out resumes and applications to everyone I know that might know someone. I will send my resume through people instead of internet sites, I have heard that there is much higher success rates doing it that way. It is completely up to God where I end up, but if I had my choice I would like to move somewhere I haven't been before. I would be okay with Utah, Colorado, or basically anywhere with mountains. Being close to Rachel would be a plus too, I sure do like her.

If God sees fit that I should find a job than I start the adventure of meeting new people and getting settling into a new environment. I am still working on a integration plan to make the most of those first months of a new job. That is always the most challenging part for me - getting to know people and rebuild a social life. But that is part of the experience I hear, and I am okay with that. Then there is finding a place to stay! So much to do, and all of it will likely happen within the next year. I am so excited!

Before I launch into this next chapter of life I have Christmas break, and I am going to enjoy it. I leave Tuesday and get back the following Wednesday with only one goal in mind. Spend time with Rachel (her family too) and have a wonderful Christmas. I can hardly wait.

Blessings from a pilgrim
Later

Break hearts and bones

I wrote a story awhile ago about how God showed up in my life and what that meant for me. A story about an unrelenting God of love and mercy that came into my life to forgive my screwed up life and give me joy. Today I want to share with you another chapter of my life and my journey toward knowing God.

Much like every other person at the age of 18, I went to school, had a job, and I was involved in youth group here and there. I knew God, I went to church and I read my bible - "is there anything else to this Christian thing?" I thought to myself. I looked around me and I didn't really see a problem with my life or how I was living. There were times when I felt far from God or when I sinned pretty bad, but I figured that is what forgiveness is for anyways. Not only that, but from my perspective I wasn't half as bad as some of the other kids in youth group. But I knew in my mind wasn't what it should be. I was holding something from God, a part of my life that I loved more than Him.

I hated it... and loved it at the same time. It needed to leave my life, but I didn't think I could have lived without it. I tried to stop so many times, to break the habit and free myself from the sin that enslaved me, but was only met by disappointment. There was a constant battle going on in me, and every time I would lose. I hated myself, and I hated the life that I was living. I called myself a Christian, but that felt like a joke... No good christian would feel as separated from God as I did. I felt like I couldn't even ask him forgiveness any more. I would only go back to my selfish lifestyle and seek to please myself. I wasn't pleasing God, and I know that I wasn't kidding him either. I was a mess and we both knew it.

There came a point when I gave up. An event came into my life and I didn't respond the way that I should have and blow it. The separation that I felt from God was killing me and I couldn't handle it anymore. At that point something needed to happen, and I wasn't going to let anything stand in my way! But the reality was I had already tired so many times before to save myself and I just fell again. I couldn't do it any more, and so I just gave up. I simply said, "God I can't do this anymore, I am a wreck and so is my life. I have played the game long enough and it is killing me. I have tried to save myself from my sin but I can't, and I am done trying to - you need to do it or it is never going to happen. Take my life and do what you want with it, because I am done."

I went home that night and God put something inside of me. I knew that I had to do everything I could to rid myself my distraction and pursue God. It was everything or nothing. I was going to take every step I could to pursue God. I broke hearts, and I think I would have broken bones if the occasion called for it. I wanted to have a closeness to God, I wanted to joy and peace that He promised. I was sick and tired of the joke of a life that I had. I was done!

God call people to deal radically with sin. He does not want half-hearted followers, but people that will go to great lengths to be with Him. I thought that night that I would break hearts and bones to be with Him, and I think that is the attitude that Christians should have all the time when it comes to sins.

 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.
~Matthew 5:29-30~ 

 (Don't misunderstand: Being perfect does not get you into heaven, being forgiven does. No amount of removing sin can save you, only Christ can.)

Later

Off the path

I am in my room watching the snow fall softly outside my window as I listen to the musical scores of various films. I have to saw, the music makes the snow falling much more dramatic than it normally would be. This is how I have spent the majority of my day off, between that and writing my final papers for school - only one more week before I am done. So excited!

I admit that being done with school will be nice, but I am kind of nervous. I have spent the majority of my life in an educational setting, I really don't know what I will do when I am not in one. Freedom sounds like the most wonderful thing, why then should I be afraid of it? It is like a prisoner growing comfortable in his chains not realizing that there is much more wonderful things outside of them. What awaits me outside of these chains? I am not sure, but I am more than ready to find out. The real adventure starts when you walk off the path.

Blessings from a pilgrim
Later

Almost done

I almost cannot believe it, but in the next 10 days I should be done with college. I have one more paper to write for my Literature class and a few papers to write for my Grad class (that I forgot about) and then I am done. The Grad papers shouldn't be so hard, I have to write about what I have done during my internship and some of the things that I have learned in light of it. The trick for me is getting my thoughts organized into Grad paper format. I have hard enough time dealing with normal College, I cannot even imagine what full-time Grad work would be like. One class is enough for me.

Once I am done with School I am going to finish planning my trip to see Rachel for Christmas. It isn't a long trip and that is why I would like to has some kind of plan. I would hate to waste any time while I am done there trying to figure out what we are going to do. I would be okay wasting time hanging out though, and that is why a plan is important. Enough about that for now, I will work on that more once school is done... almost done.

This past week has been fairly uneventful if you ask me. I did some Christmas shopping, not a whole lot of buying though, and met with a few students throughout the week. Otherwise I have been cranking away on homework to finish up with my classes.

On Tuesday I met with Anthony and he helped me go shopping. But like I said, we didn't buy anything. He thought it was a great time though, and I really enjoyed having him with me. He kept me from buying things that I didn't need. For me, that is a very important task. Wednesday Kyle and I had small group, and it was very small. Only one student showed up. So Kyle invited his girlfriend over and we played cards and ate Pizza - it was a great time. I would almost be okay with doing that every time and we could talk about what we learned during the game. It is an idea at least.

Thursday I met with Joe D about the after school program that he helps lead. I help him come up with a lesson outline and give him some ideas then just let me do the rest. Since it is in the school I can't really lead anything, but that is not to say I cannot help someone else lead the group. I think Joe does a better job anyways, but that is a personal opinion.

Friday and Saturday I worked at the restaurant. One thing that I did this week is stay later and help someone. I don't normally get a chance to talk with people because I am busy running food or busing tables, but people are eager to talk once they are doing their side work. I don't know if I'll be able to keep doing that, but I am going to try and get to know the people. I think everyone has something to talk about, but not everyone has someone to listen to them. I hope that I can be that person.

Sunday is always a long day, but usually a good day. Also, Sunday is the Day that Rachel calls, which always makes for a better day. On top of that I got free lunch yesterday, always a plus. I also got some information to start planning for my next trip out to BBC. I might be bringing students to come visit the college and so I am trying to figure out how to make it a good trip and use all six hours wisely. I also have to figure out the different cost and legal hoops that I have to work with. But that is all part of the planning process. I think I am learning more about myself than I am teaching others from this whole internship.

Blessings y'all (I have to practice for when I go down south for Christmas)
Later