Merry Christmas! - updated

Rachel and I wish everyone a Merry Christmas!

I spent the week out here in New Mexico with her and her family and enjoyed a nice break. It has been wonderful and relaxing. It has gone by like a blur and I am sad that it is almost over.

Tuesday night I flew out after catching up with a good friend of mine and getting the last of my Christmas presents for Rachel and her family. The flight was uneventful. I stayed on the same plane the whole way only getting off to re-board in a different seat. Had some good conversations on the way with the different people I sat next with. The best part of Tuesday was giving Rachel a hug at the airport when her and her dad picked me up.

The 21st is my Mom's birthday, so I was sure to call and wish her a happy birthday! If you are reading this, Happy birthday again, and I love you.

Other than that not a whole lot happened during the week. Rachel and I made plans for our date that Friday, but otherwise we just hung around and helped out on the farm as best we could. I spent a lot of time sitting in front of the fire with Rachel's dad or just calling people and wishing them a Merry Christmas (a little early).

When Friday finally came around so did the snow. Any hopes of going anywhere for a date got snowed in with us. Whiteout conditions made travel dangerous and when they closed down the highway because of the snow Rachel and I started thinking up a plan 'B'. Yet, instead of doing anything date related we each spent the day doing our own thing. Rachel worked on a project that she started and I went for a walk around their property.

I honestly was very frustrated that our date didn't work out and I needed to spend some time blowing off steam. What better than walking around eighty acres in sub freezing temperatures. I walked around the wintery desert talking to God and thinking about life. I spent a good portion of time thinking about what would come next and whether I am ready for that. Starting a job, my relationship with Rachel, and life in general. I went walking in search of an answer or some since of peace and I never felt ready to come back - back to the reality of life. The time I spent out there was invaluable and a providence from God. I really needed to spend some time away from everything and think. Even now I am wondering how Rachel and I would be different if we didn't spend that time apart or where I would be if I didn't go for that walk.

As Friday night came to a close playing cards with her and her sister, I come up with a plan B. I told her it was a little crazy and I wasn't joking. the plan consisted of getting up at 5:32am when it is close or lower than 7 degrees outside. Rachel and I bundled up and set out for the closest mountain, South Mountain, to watch the sunrise. Nearly getting stuck once we managed to park it and find a good spot just as the sun rose above the horizon in a rich red and orange.

After taking a few pictures and watching the sun come up I gave Rachel an early (despite her protest) Christmas present. A little wooden heart that I made on Monday night for just such the event. Over the summer she gave me her heart (a little wooden one that she made over the summer), it was my time to give her mine. With that we only had one direction to go - forward. So I told her I had another present for her (Still to her protest), the truest expression of my affection for her. I got down on one knee and asked if she would join me in a life long pursuit of God in marriage.... She said, "Of course, I would love to" and now we are engaged!  

As much as we wanted to stay in that moment and enjoy our romantic moment of the year - it was freezing!!! We ran back to the truck with all the hay still in the bed and drove back into town in search of breakfast or anything warm. On Christmas Eve, nothing is open - just in case you were wondering. We ended up just going back to her house and making some breakfast ourselves. So good!

The rest of Christmas Eve consisted of cleaning for the next day, wrapping presents, and building a Christmas Tree from tumble-weed. For the last three years I have been responsible for building the Christmas tree, and it is so much fun! oh yeah, and enjoying our engagement!

Christmas day! It felt like it lasted forever - early breakfast, church, got back and started cooking, opening present and having guests over for dinner. Going to a church that I only visit once a year is weird because I spend half my time catching people up concerning the previous year and what the next year will consist of. This year was "worse" because Rachel and I not only had to catch up with people but also got to tell them about our engagement! Even though I didn't know a lot of the people, I did enjoy telling and retelling the engagement story to people - it was almost like I needed to convince myself that it happened.

After church we were planning to have a few families over for dinner up top of Rachel's family, which meant lots of cooking. A turkey, ham, beef brisket, mushroom soup, and a dozen sides - What a feast! We did a full table set with multiple spoons and forks, bread and butter plates and matching cups. It was incredible and looked wonderful.

Before we sat down for dinner we spend a few minutes to open presents. I was picked to hand out the presents for everyone - like part of the family! Rachel's sister got me German Rosetta Stone, her parents got me a survival blade/pick/shovel/hatchet, Rachel got me a grilling set, her parents got me a calender. One of my personal favorites is from Rachel's older sister - a wooden sign with "Ice Cream" written on it. Reminds me of a good friend of mine who calls me that. I also got some socks for her nieces and nephews - funny story behind that one! The short of it is, I think socks are useful and when they asked me what I wanted it was the first thing that came to mind. Overall very wonderful gifts and a great time. I think I am still waiting for a few things in the mail from my sister and Dad. The best gift of all is having Rachel as a finance!

Now with a weeks worth of leftovers in the fridge and some new presents to play with, Rachel and I are enjoying the last few days before we go our ways. She has one more semester of school and I have an internship to finish up and then we will go from their. The wedding in the in planning process and we are excited to be together, we continue to seek God through His word for the wisdom that would makes marriage possible. Though having a great wedding would be awesome, having a lasting marriage is what we are really after.

Merry Christmas everyone, and a happy new year as well!

Blessings from a pilgrim

Later

Finally done

The average 22 year old has spent the majority of his life in some kind of educational institution, for some that is all they know about life. Starting as early as they are able and going until they graduate college, that is their life. They finish college and then what? I don't really know, but you are welcome to come along with me to find out, I hope their is adventure!

A lot of people that I talk to say they are really glad to be done with college and get on with life, but I will be honest and say that I enjoyed it. I don't know that I will miss the papers or homework, definitely not the school bill each month, but the people. A person makes the strongest relationships during the four years at college, some of them will last a lifetime, all of them will be missed. Just thinking about them is making me want to go visit each of them and talk the night away like we would in the dorms. Or all the nicknames... my word. And the stories that took place between the hours of 10:30pm and 2am. Haha, graduating is proof enough of God's grace for me. Good friends and great times.

Just like starting a new chapter in a good book when you don't know what is going to happen - I am starting a new chapter in my life and I have no clue what is next. I mean, I have a plan and some ideas, but what God has in store for me I will find out as it comes. But since you asked, I will share some of the plan that I have working so far.

My internship will continue another five months, until the end of May and then I am free to move about where I wish. During those five months I need to get my act together and send out resumes and applications to everyone I know that might know someone. I will send my resume through people instead of internet sites, I have heard that there is much higher success rates doing it that way. It is completely up to God where I end up, but if I had my choice I would like to move somewhere I haven't been before. I would be okay with Utah, Colorado, or basically anywhere with mountains. Being close to Rachel would be a plus too, I sure do like her.

If God sees fit that I should find a job than I start the adventure of meeting new people and getting settling into a new environment. I am still working on a integration plan to make the most of those first months of a new job. That is always the most challenging part for me - getting to know people and rebuild a social life. But that is part of the experience I hear, and I am okay with that. Then there is finding a place to stay! So much to do, and all of it will likely happen within the next year. I am so excited!

Before I launch into this next chapter of life I have Christmas break, and I am going to enjoy it. I leave Tuesday and get back the following Wednesday with only one goal in mind. Spend time with Rachel (her family too) and have a wonderful Christmas. I can hardly wait.

Blessings from a pilgrim
Later

Break hearts and bones

I wrote a story awhile ago about how God showed up in my life and what that meant for me. A story about an unrelenting God of love and mercy that came into my life to forgive my screwed up life and give me joy. Today I want to share with you another chapter of my life and my journey toward knowing God.

Much like every other person at the age of 18, I went to school, had a job, and I was involved in youth group here and there. I knew God, I went to church and I read my bible - "is there anything else to this Christian thing?" I thought to myself. I looked around me and I didn't really see a problem with my life or how I was living. There were times when I felt far from God or when I sinned pretty bad, but I figured that is what forgiveness is for anyways. Not only that, but from my perspective I wasn't half as bad as some of the other kids in youth group. But I knew in my mind wasn't what it should be. I was holding something from God, a part of my life that I loved more than Him.

I hated it... and loved it at the same time. It needed to leave my life, but I didn't think I could have lived without it. I tried to stop so many times, to break the habit and free myself from the sin that enslaved me, but was only met by disappointment. There was a constant battle going on in me, and every time I would lose. I hated myself, and I hated the life that I was living. I called myself a Christian, but that felt like a joke... No good christian would feel as separated from God as I did. I felt like I couldn't even ask him forgiveness any more. I would only go back to my selfish lifestyle and seek to please myself. I wasn't pleasing God, and I know that I wasn't kidding him either. I was a mess and we both knew it.

There came a point when I gave up. An event came into my life and I didn't respond the way that I should have and blow it. The separation that I felt from God was killing me and I couldn't handle it anymore. At that point something needed to happen, and I wasn't going to let anything stand in my way! But the reality was I had already tired so many times before to save myself and I just fell again. I couldn't do it any more, and so I just gave up. I simply said, "God I can't do this anymore, I am a wreck and so is my life. I have played the game long enough and it is killing me. I have tried to save myself from my sin but I can't, and I am done trying to - you need to do it or it is never going to happen. Take my life and do what you want with it, because I am done."

I went home that night and God put something inside of me. I knew that I had to do everything I could to rid myself my distraction and pursue God. It was everything or nothing. I was going to take every step I could to pursue God. I broke hearts, and I think I would have broken bones if the occasion called for it. I wanted to have a closeness to God, I wanted to joy and peace that He promised. I was sick and tired of the joke of a life that I had. I was done!

God call people to deal radically with sin. He does not want half-hearted followers, but people that will go to great lengths to be with Him. I thought that night that I would break hearts and bones to be with Him, and I think that is the attitude that Christians should have all the time when it comes to sins.

 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.
~Matthew 5:29-30~ 

 (Don't misunderstand: Being perfect does not get you into heaven, being forgiven does. No amount of removing sin can save you, only Christ can.)

Later

Off the path

I am in my room watching the snow fall softly outside my window as I listen to the musical scores of various films. I have to saw, the music makes the snow falling much more dramatic than it normally would be. This is how I have spent the majority of my day off, between that and writing my final papers for school - only one more week before I am done. So excited!

I admit that being done with school will be nice, but I am kind of nervous. I have spent the majority of my life in an educational setting, I really don't know what I will do when I am not in one. Freedom sounds like the most wonderful thing, why then should I be afraid of it? It is like a prisoner growing comfortable in his chains not realizing that there is much more wonderful things outside of them. What awaits me outside of these chains? I am not sure, but I am more than ready to find out. The real adventure starts when you walk off the path.

Blessings from a pilgrim
Later

Almost done

I almost cannot believe it, but in the next 10 days I should be done with college. I have one more paper to write for my Literature class and a few papers to write for my Grad class (that I forgot about) and then I am done. The Grad papers shouldn't be so hard, I have to write about what I have done during my internship and some of the things that I have learned in light of it. The trick for me is getting my thoughts organized into Grad paper format. I have hard enough time dealing with normal College, I cannot even imagine what full-time Grad work would be like. One class is enough for me.

Once I am done with School I am going to finish planning my trip to see Rachel for Christmas. It isn't a long trip and that is why I would like to has some kind of plan. I would hate to waste any time while I am done there trying to figure out what we are going to do. I would be okay wasting time hanging out though, and that is why a plan is important. Enough about that for now, I will work on that more once school is done... almost done.

This past week has been fairly uneventful if you ask me. I did some Christmas shopping, not a whole lot of buying though, and met with a few students throughout the week. Otherwise I have been cranking away on homework to finish up with my classes.

On Tuesday I met with Anthony and he helped me go shopping. But like I said, we didn't buy anything. He thought it was a great time though, and I really enjoyed having him with me. He kept me from buying things that I didn't need. For me, that is a very important task. Wednesday Kyle and I had small group, and it was very small. Only one student showed up. So Kyle invited his girlfriend over and we played cards and ate Pizza - it was a great time. I would almost be okay with doing that every time and we could talk about what we learned during the game. It is an idea at least.

Thursday I met with Joe D about the after school program that he helps lead. I help him come up with a lesson outline and give him some ideas then just let me do the rest. Since it is in the school I can't really lead anything, but that is not to say I cannot help someone else lead the group. I think Joe does a better job anyways, but that is a personal opinion.

Friday and Saturday I worked at the restaurant. One thing that I did this week is stay later and help someone. I don't normally get a chance to talk with people because I am busy running food or busing tables, but people are eager to talk once they are doing their side work. I don't know if I'll be able to keep doing that, but I am going to try and get to know the people. I think everyone has something to talk about, but not everyone has someone to listen to them. I hope that I can be that person.

Sunday is always a long day, but usually a good day. Also, Sunday is the Day that Rachel calls, which always makes for a better day. On top of that I got free lunch yesterday, always a plus. I also got some information to start planning for my next trip out to BBC. I might be bringing students to come visit the college and so I am trying to figure out how to make it a good trip and use all six hours wisely. I also have to figure out the different cost and legal hoops that I have to work with. But that is all part of the planning process. I think I am learning more about myself than I am teaching others from this whole internship.

Blessings y'all (I have to practice for when I go down south for Christmas)
Later

Snowing!

Thanksgiving recap

The last week has been a whirlwind. I can hardly separate the days of the week and everything that has happened. I will give my best attempt at reviewing the events of what took place and different things that I was thinking about over the last week.

The week started like a Friday - both a good and bad thing. No one in the office, and the people that are here at the time, have checked out mentally. Everyone was looking forward to Thanksgiving, being out of the office and seeing family. It was a full day, but people left early or just cleaned their office - I quickly joined the spirit of the season and just sat around and figured out the weeks schedule and disregarded my work for the day. I had already finished my homework for the week which allowed me to have little or no responsibility for the rest of the day and most of the week.

Tuesday was pretty much the same, not a whole lot happened. The event that sticks out to me happened at work - they asked if I wanted to start serving table instead of just running food. Tuesday was the first day of training where I shadowed another server and got a glimpse of what I am getting myself into. I really enjoyed learning something new and being challenged, not something that happens very often. This is also really good for me as I learn to get out of my comfort zone and talk to people I don't know, work on small talk and in general develop my people skills. I have a lot of work to do.

Tuesday night Rachel made it safely to Ohio and Wednesday morning I went to pick her up and started our way out to Michigan. I did not have any areas that I wanted to cover, but I did have a few questions that I wanted to ask. I make sure to ask a few different questions quiet frequently just to see how the relationship is going, making sure I am not assuming things are okay when they aren't. I ask, "Is there anything you want to bring up but just haven't had the chance to do so yet?" "Is there anything you are hinting at that I just am not picking up?" "How is your relational tank, empty or full?" and general questions about the relationship. Whether we answer the questions or not, it provides a good basis for conversation and opens up the floor for some other question that otherwise aren't asked. We ended up dealing with a few things I did not know about, learned something new about her, and overall enjoyed the ride to MI.

Wednesday Rachel and I spent with the family, whoever happened to be home. First it was my sisters, then my dad and brother showed up, and finally my mom. It was really good to see them all, but I could help noticing either the discouragement or hopelessness that they face. For some of them it is school, for another it is each other. The tension in the home hasn't gotten any better, we just have gotten used to it. I can only hope that I was an encouragement to my family and eased some of the tension. I think that some of the best encouragement came with just being with each other and understanding each others struggles with the situations we have to face each day.

I was encouraged by my sister, she is a young radical doing everything she can to live for Christ. I am probably more encouraged from her than she is from me. She told me she wants to do something crazy like go into family law and deal with divorce cases all the time, the bottom of the barrel when it comes to people. I get jealous about stuff like that, I don't think that I have the guts to pursue something like that. I have a hard time dealing with my family, couldn't imagine dealing with other peoples too. But that is where God has led her, and I will encourage her to that end. I am excited to see what God can do through her and that unique area of ministry.

Thursday, Thanksgiving! As is the tradition, we went over to my Aunt's house and ate a huge meal with lots of family. Grandparents, cousins, siblings, boyfriend, girlfriend, everyone! Good group of people and a lot of fun. After the meal we played some games and went for a walk, tried to work off some of the food that we ate. Don't let the photo lie, we all we rolling on the floor laughing. Some of the things that people say after eating Turkey... so funny!

That night we spent at my grandma house. The original plan was to get up first thing in the morning, around 4-6am and go Black Friday shopping. The more we talked about it the longer we stayed up and the more we realized that we didn't really want to do it. My sister got up around noon and I wasn't much before her. We went to two stores and only bought two things - spending a grand total of $26. The things I bought weren't even on sale - what a joke. It was a really good time to spend with my sister and she got some good experience driving on 28th street during crazy lunch rush. I have to say I was a little scared at times, but she did really good and is a better driver than me at times.

Friday night was double date time. Rachel and I got together with my sister and her boyfriend and went to his house. Kyle (My sister's boy friend) thought that a good date would be to shoot guns, so that is what we did. We set up some tin cans and bottles and went to town. I started with the 12 gauge. It had quite the kick. We after it was took dark and cold to shoot anymore we went inside and play monopoly deal, a very addicting card game based on the classic board game Monopoly. What I enjoyed most of all was spending time with my sister and seeing her and Kyle interact. As a big brother it is encouraging to see my sister walking in purity and dating a Christian boy.

Saturday came faster than I wanted it too. There were so many things that I wanted to do that I never got around to doing: chopping wood, sitting down with my sisters, helping my dad with stuff at home, etc. I just ran out of time, now it is time to leave to go back to Ohio. Before I left I went and said goodbye to my mom and my dad. It was a really cool sight, My grandpa, my dad and I all working in the woods before I left. Three generations of hard working men. I wish I got a picture, I thought it was awesome to see all of us together.

Rachel and I drove pretty much straight back to Ohio. We stopped twice. First to see my brother on the way, and then an hour later for dinner. My brother is doing well, still going to school and tutoring. It is great to see family doing well, wish that I could have spent more time but we had places to go. When Rachel and I stopped for dinner we finally put together an outline for teaching the next day. We had meant to do this before, but never had enough time. So with a napkin we wrote out what we were going to teach for the lesson on integrity.

Sunday was the longest day by far. I feel like I should just write a new blog entry just about Sunday. Teaching went very well. Rachel and I nailed it, taught both hours without much problem. I really enjoyed being on stage with her and teaching together, she brings out a different side of me for sure. Not only that, but she brings a totally different perspective to the table, she thinks differently, has different experience, and is overall a different person. I don't know that I would say this is my favorite part of the week, but I definitely learned the most during this one. I learned more about how Rachel and I play off each other, the different skills that we each have, and teaching styles.

We ended our week by going to 707 - young adult church in the evening. The topic of the night was relationships, and it was refreshing to hear and encouraging to learn something new. Rachel was very encouraged because she said it was the first time in a long time that she got feed from a church service.

I am looking at the week ahead and it doesn't look like it is going to be any easy then the last, just different task that need to be completed. I am looking forward to the challenge!

Blessings from a (very tired) pilgrim
Later

Find of the day

Find of the day. exercise block!

Change of mind?

I went out to my college this past week and did some recruiting for the internship that I am doing. I also got to spend time with Rachel and meet up with some friends. I never realize how much I enjoy being around people until I leave and come back again. I spent so much time talking with people and learning from them, so much fun. I did not go without an agenda though. I had a few things I wanted to accomplish while I was out there, a few people that I needed to talk to. In this particular story I am only going to mention on such interaction with my friend Ross. Ross is happily married and I feel that gives him the authority to answer dating and/or relationship questions. He also knows me very well and challenges me with some tough questions whenever we talk. I have gotten to the point that I can look forward to these challenging conversations and will seek them out.

So that is what I did. Once I got on campus I went looking for Ross and set up a time when we could sit down and talk about whatever. About life, relationships, his and my family, education, whatever. I asked him what is something that I need to do in my relationship with Rachel. I asked this with a somewhat prideful attitude thinking that I had most of my ducks in a row and didn't need to change anything. What I got in return was like a kick in the pants. He says that I don't need to do anything different, but I need to be different. I don't have to perform any differently or start doing something more, but I have to change who I am in character. Otherwise my personality becomes flaky and won't last. If I am just doing things for a result I will change back, but Ross is saying I need to change at the core so I continue in my character.

My relationship isn't the main subject here. What I really want to know is how do I change my character, who I am at the core. There is plenty of times this question has come up, whether it is relationships or any other area of life, we desire to make a change in our lives. Just this morning I wanted to be more disciplined in homework and reading my bible, but I have a hard time just doing it. That works for Nike, but no me so much. How do I make change in my character so that it results in inward change rather than just conforming my actions to the moment. That is the question

Have a good
Later

Find of the day.

Find of the day. it is a man "drinking" coffee through an IV

Pride or fear?

This week has gone by much faster than I would have expected. So much to do, so many people to talk to and so little time. I had to purposely not tell people that I am on campus this week just so I would have time to get to everyone that I didn't talk to last time. I do not enjoy doing that, but it keeps the conversations that I do have more meaningful and valuable.

Little recap on the week so far. Tuesday morning we left to head out to the College bright and early. At least that was the plan. After picking up Jim I went to Rick's house to leave, little did I know that saying goodbye to your wife and kid takes more than five minutes. We all talked for a while, played hide the bear with Charlotte (their baby girl), got some orange juice, talked some more... then started to leave. Made me wonder why I had to be there so early if it is going to that long to leave. I realized after watch them interact a while why God got me there early. For just that reason, to watch them interact. It is always a little awkward, but I still enjoy watching couples who love each other interact.

We got to the rental and picked up our... mini van? The car that we rented wasn't there, so they gave us a nicer car for the same price. It is awesome, the van has way more leg room than the small car we would have gotten. I got a foot rest! What more could I have asked for?

I really enjoy coming back to campus every now and again, mostly because Rachel is still here, but other students as well. I have already had a lot of great conversations about life, learning and what comes next. There are days that I honestly think I could talk to people all day. That has basically been my week thus far and I have enjoyed it, the trick for me comes with talking to people that I don't know yet. Though, even that hasn't been too hard while talking with students on campus, I have enjoyed getting to know people that I had never met before.

It is now Thursday morning, a lot has happened this week, there is only a few things I think I will remember about the week though. One of them happened last night when Rachel and I prayed together, she said "I always learn so much about you, though I do feel like I am ease dropping on a conversation." I guess I knew that she would learn about me as I talked with God, it still surprised me when she said it though.

Another thing I will leave with this week is a conversation that I had with a professor. I went to him asking him what I should do next and he asked a totally different set of questions that had nothing to do with what I originally had in mind. I showed him a document that I have been working on for a while based on his decision making model. On this piece of paper I wrote out what I want to do, what I am capable of doing, and what is available for me to do.

To help me figure out what I want to do and like to do, I took the opposite of my fears - which are also written down on the paper. From this idea my professor asked his question, "Is it fear or pride that is at the root of sin?" at which I answered pride. He agreed, but went on to tell me it is very hard to find pride - pride is blinding. He didn't leave me there, he brought me back to the Fall. The first sin is a result of pride, but shortly followed by fear. So, he suggest, fear is a cover for the pride that we have. Ultimately we don't want to be found out for the sin of pride, so we are afraid. That is to say, if I can find and deal with fear my pride is not far behind. Whether I agree with that or not, it is an interesting thought to chew on for a while.

I have a study date with Rachel, which is way more important than this blog.

Blessings from a pilgrim
Later

Fall retreat

Here is another recap over the past week. It seems like it has been a longer week than normal, but I think that is just because of everything that happened. I have seen snow, my sister, a concert, a movie, and finished fall retreat, and a long lot of other things in the course of the last week. So, in some sense of order, I will fill you in about what went down.

Sunday night (last week) we didn't have youth group, instead we went to a Mercy Me concert with a bunch of the students. concerts are very loud, and this one is no exception. I ended up going out to my car and grabbing ear plugs (I am a loser, I know). I am very glad that I went though, it is always fun to hang out with friends

During the concert I talked a few different people about whether it was going to be possible to have my sister come out for the following weekend. Talked with one person, then called a different one to rely information and then first one again to confirm. It got kind of tricky. At one point I was texting two people and calling a third all at the same time.The conclusion: my mom drove my sister out for the weekend. I really wanted my Dad to come out, but I wasn't going to press the issue. The important thing was to get my sister out here, and that happened. Anything more would have been bonus. Next time.

Monday night I went to my last Men's Bible study for a while. I wish I could keep going, I enjoy and value hanging out with the guys there, but my schedule for this week isn't going to make that very likely. I hope to start going again soon. The really bad new is that Chris and I won't be meeting for the next few weeks either. I am gone this week and he is gone next week, and I am not sure about the week after that. Maybe we'll meet up on Sunday after church one of these weeks.

Tuesday I had a meeting with the teaching pastor of the church, Rick Duncan, about recruiting him an intern for the next year. At least, that was the intention of the meeting. It turned out to be more a lesson of different kinds of ministry leaders than about interns. He compares them to a car designer, a car builder, a mechanic, and a restorer - each one loves cars but in vastly different ways. Pastors are somewhat similar.

Wednesday night Small group with the students was a lot of fun. Since we didn't have impact on the weekend we took advantage of small group time to hangout and have fun. We watch Inception, ate popcorn and pizza and built some common experiences. I think it is very valuable to just have time to hang out with one another and be among friends.

Thursday I had Joe D over to my office to work on the lesson for Epic. He is a great guy, and I am always thankful for his encouraging attitude. He doesn't complain or argue, and is always willing to help. When I told him that I wouldn't be there this week he just smiled and said, "okay" like it is no big deal. No excuses, he is great. This weeks lesson is about encouraging one another in the Lord and how we find encouragement in Christ's return.

Friday night started fall retreat! Also, my sister came in Friday night. Between grabbing Pizza and dropping my sister off at the High School Girl's house, and everything else I totally forgot my toothbrush for the weekend. I choose the Middle School boys house for the night - what a night. Boys crying left and right over toys and who hit who first. I am confident this is the only group that cried. Discussion didn't happen because they were all way to excited to sit still and sleeping nearly didn't happen either. Lights out at 11:30pm - I didn't get to bed until nearly 2am. Farting noises, kids getting drinks of water, and talking in general made sleep elusive.

All this faded as a memory with the coming of breakfast Saturday Morning. Homemade french toast, hash browns, fresh fruit, and orange juice. I was stuffed, but I just kept eating, it was so good. I don't know if I would do it all again, but I would surely eat breakfast again.

We broke from there and ended to the church to regroup before going to the work sites for the day. Other than a few minor things, everything went off without a hitch. The high school went down town and the middle school went into the closer neighbor hoods. We helped those that needed help and got done way faster than I thought we would. The middleschool group played football with our free time, and I took advantage of the time to spend with my sister.

We talked about church back home, and about the family. We talked about life and friends, and just caught up. I love her so much and am so glad that she got to come out and visit even for just a little while.

Saturday night she left to head home and I went and finished my paper for school. I learned that night that I am very grumpy when I am tired, making me a mean boyfriend. I didn't yell or anything, but I wasn't that nice either. I got demanding, controlling, and just grumpy. Rachel, also tired at this point didn't enjoy my mood, but was very gracious towards me and helped with my paper. The next day apologize were in order, and everything is forgiven. I don't enjoy those interactions, but they make for a strong relationship if you can get through them. The trick is to deal with them and don't let them build.

Sunday morning came much faster than I thought it would, and I found myself grasping for time. I haven't had a chance to read my bible in two days as this point - adding to the grumpiness - and didn't find any time through Sunday. church went well in the morning and the rest of the day got spent on preparing for the evening. The student leadership team took over for Impact that night, I watched the youngsters while Rick and Joe facilitated parent equip in the next room over. Three nights in a row dealing with kids... I saw myself grumpier than I normally get and now realize that I need to be sure to get sleep next time I have to do something like this.

Sunday night I talked with Rachel and we figured out the plan for Thanksgiving and a little bit about the next week. I am very excited to see her and be with her face to face. Phone conversations are great, but nothing is quite like a conversation in person. We also started working on a project to figure out what I am supposed to do next - after this internship that is. I think I will post about that later.

Now it is Monday afternoon. I have spent some time reading the Bible, got stuff together for the week at BBC, set up a few interviews for rick, and read some of my homework for the day. It is going to be a great week away and I am excited to see some old friends.

Blessings from a pilgrim
Later

Snow

First snow fall! it is beautiful...

Running Away

I good friend of mine ran away from home the other day. He lived to tell me about it.

He ended up going home after about 2 hours. Yet the situation does not come as weird, the emotions behind such drastic measures are familiar to me. I have ran away once or twice. In the same fashion it was only for an hour or so, and then I came back, but I thought about leaving for good. I still think about that today, even when I am away from home, and away from my family. There are events in my life that hurt, people that don't care, and situations that I would rather not deal with. These things in my life that just get under my skin and make me want to leave. I don't know where I would go most of the time, but I think anywhere is better than where I am now. It gets so frustrating that it makes me want to scream! or worse... If not for the Holy Spirit in me, only God knows what I would do. Nothing good I would imagine.

I have to ask the question though, "why shouldn't I run away?" What really is keeping me here? If the situation and people frustrate me so much that I want to scream, why on earth should I have to put up with it? What is the benefit of staying in a harmful situation, a stressful environment, or in a place that no one even loves or cares about me. Seriously, God! why bother? Why do I stick it out? what is the point of putting up with my parents, with people bully me, or supposed "friends" that put me down all the time. I have had days what I don't even think people would have noticed that I left.

Actually, I know they wouldn't notice. I have left for a whole day out in the woods and when I came back no one even knew I left (This only gave me more reason to leave). But something compelled me to come home - again and again I kept coming home. At first it was the simply fact that I couldn't leave because I was too young. But later I heard about Jesus. I might be crazy, but I would come home and face it - usually head on - sometimes every day of the week. An argument before dinner, and a late night fight and don't forget the weekend brawl. I honestly do wonder why we bother? Why don't we just run away from the pain or avoid the situation? But I think the answer is found in asking a slightly different question.

I talk about running away from problems or getting away from a situation, but I am also running to something. In my case I normally am trying to run from tension and run to peace, comfort or something like that. Who isn't trying to do this?

 Jesus is a man that had every reason to run away almost all the time. If you look at His life He didn't have it easy. I am not even talking about the cross. I mean growing up, being around the disciples, and walking through His home town. His own parents forgot Him when He was younger. The people in His home town didn't respect Him or believe Him - including His brothers and friends. Whenever He went into a town it wasn't long before the popular or important people rejected him or threw out his idea. To be blunt about it, Jesus was a reject, very lonely, and put in some tough situations. If there were ever a reason to run away - Jesus had it. He doesn't though.

Instead of running away from problems and pain, He from heave to earth to faced them. He went into the problems and dealt with them. Instead of running away from the family that rejected Him, He loved them. Instead of finding new friends, he stuck it out with the twelve he had - even when they abandon Him He would forgive them. When His parents forgot Him, He stilled listened to them. When man turned on Him and kill Him, He forgives us and promises a way for us to be with Him.

 ⁸ Remember Jesus Christ, raised from the dead, descended from David. This is my gospel, ⁹ for which I am suffering even to the point of being chained like a criminal. But God’s word is not chained. ¹⁰ Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory.
 ¹¹ Here is a trustworthy saying:
   If we died with him,
   we will also live with him;
¹² if we endure,
   we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
   he will also disown us;
¹³ if we are faithless,
   he remains faithful,
   for he cannot disown himself. (Paul to Timothy - II Tim 2:8-13)

 This is why I don't run away. If I die trusting and following Jesus I will one day also live with Him. This is why I face the hard situation. Jesus stuck it out and promises that if I endure with Him that I can be with Him. This is why I stick it out. I like Paul endure everything so that others can receive forgiveness and be with Jesus too.  It also says that if we disown Him, He will disown us - that is not a situation that I want to endure. It finally says that He is faithful meaning He cannot go back on his promises. So I choose the promise of dying and enduring with Him and living with Him. He promises forgiveness; what do you choose to do?

Later

Running a Blank

I could write something lengthy about all the wonderful adventures Rachel and I have. I could tell you about countless conversations that made my day. I could even tell you about a surprise that I am planning for her - because she likes surprises. Or I could write all sorts of nonsense about how much I like her, but you have no reason to read that. I could fill quite a few pages about what I think about Rachel, but I will save that for another day. What I will share with you is what takes all those words right out of my mouth and make my mind run blank. Her face.

Rachel and Hannah (respectively)

Blessings from a Pilgrim

Later

Star Tipping

Allow me to give you a little recap on this week. Partially because I have to, but also since there is great value in seeing what God has done even within a weeks time. The events listed may or may not be in chronological order. Monday night Chris and I had our small group, and it was indeed small. Out of the eight that are in the group, only three showed up - Chris and I being two of them. I thought it was wonderful, and Chris said it right, "Gives us a chance to get intimate!" With less people we were able to cover more ground and deal with some deeper issues and encourage each other with stories. Further proving: less = more.

Tuesday after school we had our third round of Epic, the after school program. This was also the first time the teacher wasn't there and it was more "student" led. It is always encouraging to see students seeking to do God's work - community service projects, reaching out to other, etc. This week we talked about Loving one another as Chris has loved us. Joe D and I got together Friday and figured out what to teach on, and both of us are excited about teaching (discussion leading) the "One another" passages. We did "Love one another as Christ has loved you" this Tuesday and I think Encourage is next. I am going to have to meet with Joe at some point before then to make sure he is ready. I taught this last one, this next one is his. He told me yesterday that he is excited about it, and I am too.

Starbucks with Chris was very good. I honestly don't remember much other than that he noticed I took my computer home with me. Something I said I wouldn't do for temptation sake. I am so grateful that he noticed that and would dare to ask me, most would not do that. It is so encouraging to meet with him in the morning and encourage one another with stories from the week and challenge each other with crazy ideas or things we have read. As Iron sharpens iron, so Jeremy and Chris sharpen one another.

Wednesday night we had small group with the students and we played star tipping. At first I did not think it was real, but some doubt trick, then I tried it. It is real. The person starts by spinning around and around for about 30 seconds while looking at a star then they stop and someone shines a light in the face. Every single one of us fell over without fail. It is the weirdest things I have done in a long time. Look it up on google if you want to see what it looks like. It was a good time.

Now it is Thursday and I have to admit, I am very tired. I want to complain about it, but I think it is better look on the positive side of things. Today's assignment for American Lit is a journal by Mary Rowlandson from 1675. As I finished reading I had a much better understand of what the bible means when it says "My strength is made perfect in weakness." Mary is someone who went through much affliction and weakness, but as she records, it only provide more opportunities for God to comfort and provide. It is an encouragement to read about such things.

Tomorrow I am going to try and bang out some homework so I have weekend to enjoy. In light of work and church, my weekend is the shortest part of my week. I also want to see if I can help someone this weekend as he remodels his house. We'll see if I get around to that though.

Fall retreat is next weekend and my sister might be coming out for that. Since my sister cannot drive yet, my dad is going to come out too. I really hope that happens, because it would be very encouraging to see them and for them to get away for awhile too. My dad operates a mean leaf blower, and with leaf pick-up as the service project for the retreat, I would be very grateful for him being there.


Blessings from a pilgrim
Later

Snickers

My dad and sister might be coming out for fall retreat! I am so excited. On top of that I get to see Rachel in two weeks from this Tuesday.

This is like getting a snickers bar on day three of a hike. So good and so refreshing

Later

Not a Counselor

This past week has been very different than I would have expected it to be. Both in the process of the week and the outcome of events. I house sat for a family which turned out to be a great relationship builder with them, I went out to lunch at least three times with students, got a plan together for an after school program and a few other things. It has been a great week I would say.

As I was saying, I house sat for a family in the youth group while their mom is in the hospital. I only had to drop them off at school and/or make sure they got on the bus. I didn't think it was going to be that much of a deal to them. I was hoping for a little more trust/relationship building time with them, but I only got breakfast and dropping them off at school. God took that little amount of time and used it though, at the end of three or four days they came up and asked if I would want to go to a theme park with them, and I am able to easily engage them at youth group too. As this happened I realized that God can use even the smallest interaction for something great. Also, if you really care about something or someone, people (whether young or old) notice. This can be good or bad. This case happened to be good, and now they are beginning to trust me.

I was talking with someone the other day when I thought of something. Kids learn life lessons and morals not by being told, but by being shown. As much as we would like to believe otherwise, I think students and kids prefer to have something practical set before them to learn from, not just an abstract idea. Though I could be wrong and I am the exception and not the norm. The thought that I had stills remains. The Old Testament in the Bible is written mostly in stories or morals and beliefs, not abstract ideas about beliefs. The Old Testament functioned as Israel's History book, their story book and their book of Law. There wasn't a whole lot of abstract ideas of following God or believing in Him, but stories about people who have. This is why I think that stories are a great way to teach people an idea or concept. But that is the opinion of a "know it all" college student. I am sure when I graduate and no longer know everything that will change.

Tomorrow, Tuesday, the first of November! What happened to the year? The after school program is tomorrow, needless to say, I am pretty excited about going. I took a more active role and gave the teacher a little bit of a break. I need to start using my Youth Ministry degree in something, and this is something that I really enjoy. Joe D and I met on Friday to talk about what Epic (the after school program) might look like. We landed on "Fellowship" and the "one another" commands of the New Testament. There is roughly 13-16 different "one another" commands, and I think 14-15 weeks left of epic for the school year. Since it is a Christian fellowship type thing that meets, I thought the subject is fitting. The topic is easy enough that if one of the students wanted to teach they could, too. Pray for Epic and the students involved

I got to talk with my Dad on Friday for a while. I really enjoyed that. We talked about some of the things that I have posted on my blog and different things going on at home. I am very glad we had that conversation and I look forward to more in the future. Everything at home is still pretty normal - or I should say, the same. Nothing new is happening. Mom is mom, dad is dad, my sisters are still my sisters, and the world is still a mess. God has been working in my family though, and it is very cool to watch in retrospect what he has done. To name one: Shanyne is considering taking a listening class to help other hurting students in her High school. This would provide a great inlet for her to build relationship to ultimately share the love of Christ with people. Dad said she was excited about it. I don't blame her. I am excited for her. Pray for Shanyne as she seeks opportunity to love people

One of the times I went out for lunch this week I met with a student who's life isn't exactly heavenly. I have spent the last couple of weeks getting to know him and building a level of trust. Then this week I asked him some hard questions about what he is going though. When going through this time of situation, talking is the last thing someone wants to do, but it is one of the most valuable things. I gained a since of freedom from my pain when I talked about them. It's as if I acknowledged them and then could move on. I said it hurt me and that I was hurting, and for there I could begin healing. Being asked the hard questions myself I also was able to get to the bottom of my pain and see all the areas that I have been affected. Now I have the responsibility to help others to to the bottom of their pain as well. Pray for Anthony and I as we process through life and seek God in the midst of out hurt

(This is my opinion, I do not have a degree in counseling or anything of that nature. This is just my experience) People often refer to something like this as "being wounded" or "hurt" and those are correct. When something like separation or tragedy comes into our lives, it is a lot like a wound. But also like a wound, it needs to be thoroughly cleaned out before it can properly heal. It might scab over or stop bleeding, but that is not healed - It could still get an infection or something. If a wound does get an infection, the cleaning process must be that much more thorough. By asking questions and talking about it, we are able to flush out the wound and let healing start. Word of caution: cleaning out a wound, especially a deep one, never feels good when you are doing it, but it must be done.

I have been very encouraged by all that is going on. I get excited to see things start moving and God working. I am excited to see what God will do with the situations that I am a part of and the stories that will come of it. Continue to pray for my family. I believe that God can turn it into an incredible story of restoration and redemption. That is my story and I am sticking to it!

I talked with Rachel last night, she is doing okay. She is not excited about the snow they got out there. Nearly 10 inches. She is very excited that she only has 24 academic weeks left in her school year before she graduates. She has a lot to get done between here and May though, Pray that she keeps focused on the true goal and finishes well. Whatever that means.

Blessings from a pilgrim

Later

Pumpkin Carving

Pumpkin carving with anna

 

The completed pumpkin. Two face!

I don't think I'll ever grow up enough to not enjoy carving pumpkins with my friends. What a great time!

Blessings

Later

Chating with DL

This made my day:

Blessings
Later

The Boys Next Door

Be careful for what you ask for, you just might get it. I learn this again and again, but every time I keep praying because I know that it is good for me.

As you know by the last post, I took the weekend to go spend with Rachel for our two year anniversary as well as meet up with other friends while I was out there. What ended up happening was right close to insanity by normal standards.

I left after work on Thursday night around 6:30pm making my arrival at School around 1am. I slept in my friends room with little knowledge on his part, and left before he got up - making for a creepy story for his roommate that didn't know at all. Sleeping on the floor only allowed so much sleep and getting me up at 6am. I did my Bible reading and then I was on my way to the kitchen to meet some old friends. I found Chris and Jon the cooks, and talked with them a long time. They also made sure I got fed for the weekend free of charge. They are awesome as was the food that I ate.

The best part of the morning by far was the look on Rachel's face when she saw me. A mixture of surprise, comfort and excitement. She had some idea that I was coming, but did not change how she reacted when we met. She gave me a big hug and we had breakfast together. I missed her a ton, and missed being able to have a conversation across the table with her. So to see her and enjoy her company again. She is wonderful for a lot of reasons, but one of them is because she is so different from me. She brings things to my attention that I had no idea about or would not have thought of before. She has skills and abilities that compliment my own, and I always enjoy being around her. To say it plainly: I like her a lot.

Our relationship, although strong in some respects, really needed a personal touch were we could interact in person and spend some quality time with each other. This weekend provided that and more for us and the relationship. I received some great advice, valuable experiences, wonderful encouragement.

The next important person that I met that morning was Ross. One of my best friends, I nearly tackled him when I saw him. Just being with him and felt at home and a friendship that I missed dearly. Ross has this business of correcting me and keeping me in line - a full time job for a least two people (Him and Rachel). In his presence I know I can be myself and trust him. A relationship like that is worth the cost of tuition for sure, and I would pay double if I had to. Having Ross as a friend is worth it.

Next to walk into breakfast was Puffy, my roommate from the year before - a friend that I could not replace. He is by far one of the most understanding, accepting, and loving people I know. He is a man that has received much love from Christ in his life. And as Christ himself spoke: he who is forgiven much, loves much. The emphasis being more on the love aspect. Once again, I didn't know how much I missed that relationship until I had it again and experienced it. No that I am back in Ohio again, I know how valuable that relationship was to me.

I think a lot of people feel this way before they meet Christ. They think their lives are just fine, living okay lives without much complaint. They don't seem to be missing anything, but only because they never knew they lost anything. They say that everything is okay, but something is still missing. An aspect of satisfaction, love, forgiveness, friendship or something just isn't quite right. The reason they are okay with that is because they have never experience what it means to have a full tank, a complete life with Christ in the equation.


After breakfast I presented the internship in Career Chapel, I met more people, I said hello to my old dorm dad, met more people, set up for lunch with Ross, met more people, and ate lunch with the pretty girl on campus.

That night I met up with Zac, a student from the youth group out there. I was honestly blown away. Yeah he had a cool bike, he has grown a few inches it seemed, and he is a lot more talkative, but what got me was how he has grown spiritually. The Zac I knew last could answer some questions and had a concept of God, but when I met him that night I was the one being taught. He demonstrated such faith in the midst of his trails and trusted that God had a plan for them. It was like a spiritual growth spurt, and in areas it seemed like he was out growing me.

I finally crashed at Eric's house that night around 1am only to wake up again at 5:30am for breakfast with Chris. Best part of that breakfast - leaving a $25 tip on a $15 meal. I wish I could have seen the ladies face when she picked that up. Both Chris and I came expecting to pay for the meal, so we figured that we would both give what we had expected to pay. Made my morning for sure.

I had breakfast two more times before 11am with Eric and Rachel, and the "men's" breakfast group that meet on Saturdays. I had lunch only an hour later, and dinner a few hours past that. With Pizza that night, I ended up having 6 meals that day. So good.

Short of seeing Rachel, the most important aspect of my weekend was the play Saturday night. I was not prepared for what God was going to reveal in me that night, but I don't think He wanted me to be. I cried that night, and it felt great. I welcomed the tears, that is until the lights came on, but even then I didn't fight them to hard. The play revealed how much I feel pressured from the standards of this world and how much I long for acceptance and grace. I related to the character that said "its hard out there" meaning that the world has high expectations for people. I know what it feel like to have things asked of me that I have no ability to preform simply because I cannot. The pressure is so heavy, and it is so real. I hurt for those that feel that pressure and have no release. I say to you, come to Christ! For His pressure is light, and his expectations are few. For those that are tired of dealing with the worlds requirements, He promises rest (Matt 11:28).

Blessings from a pilgrim
Later

2 years

Pictures are worth a thousand words I understand, but I would still need at least a thousand pictures. This weekend marks two years of dating Rachel, my best friend. Here are a few pictures that I took with my phone:

This is during the drive back. The picture doesn't do justice, the view was incredible. Color everywhere

Sunday morning sunrise, getting ready to drive back to Ohio. Great way to start the morning

Lunch at the Janowski's. I was so full, but I just couldn't help it. Great food

Arts and crafts at the Hricko's house. Roses made from maple leaves for Rachel.

Beautiful music, beautiful piano, beautiful Rachel.

Rachel Playing piano, Oliver the dog listening in.

BBCity

Surprise visit to bbc to see Rachel and the fall play. what a trip!

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Fun with colors

New light board

God Showed Up

¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷ For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. ¹⁸ Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. ¹⁹ This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. ²⁰ Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. ²¹ But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.  (John 3:16-21 NIV)

Once upon a time there was a boy named Jeremy. He loved to surprise people and to help in any way that he can, and if there was a way to surprise people by helping them it only made it better. But there was one thing that he loved more than both of those, and that was his Dad. He did not see his Dad much, but he looked forward to every moment that he had with his Dad. Jeremy got excited when he would run out and meet his Dad coming home from work in his blue sports car, or when his Dad would bring him home something from a business trip. Whatever it was it did not really matter, Jeremy looked forward to spending time with his Dad and would remember the time spent together more than anything else.

Some nights, he remembers them well, he and his Dad would watch TV together and it come time for bed for little Jeremy. Much like any 6 year old, he did not want to go to bed but his Dad insisted that he go to bed. Jeremy's Dad said that he would be down shortly to check on him and help him make his bed before he went to sleep. Jeremy took this as an opportunity to do what he loved to do, help and surprise people - he made his bed quickly and went and hid under his covers to try and scare his Dad. Although he knew nothing scared his Dad, and definitely not little Jeremy, he always liked to try. The first few times it back fired and his Dad scared Jeremy more then he scared his Dad, and eventually became like a late night game of hide and seek in his room before bed the night when Dad was home.

Then came a night that Jeremy remembers well. After he was told to go to bed  by his Dad, Jeremy raced down stairs to make his bed and hide. He found the perfect hiding place even though it was the same one that he used only two nights before. He tried his best to slow his breathing to better hid from his Dad and increase the nearly impossible odds that he wouldn't be found. He lied there under his bed for what seemed like forever for a little kid waiting for his Dad. He waited and waited, but he didn't even hear foot steps. After a while he gave up the hope that he Dad would show up and just went to bed. He believed that he Dad either forgot or did not care. Either way this was one of the last times that Jeremy hid from his Dad.

Many years later, Jeremy now a young teenager, still loved to surprise people and work hard to help people, but he had an unknown fear of surprising his own Dad. He would hang out with him and want to be with him, but Jeremy was scared to trust him. He was not sure he would show up or like his surprises. Not trusting people or believing what people would say eventually became a characteristic of Jeremy's life to everyone, not just his Dad. Yet even in the midst of his distrust, Jeremy always wanted his Dad to show up and just be there.

There came another night, one that Jeremy also remembers but does not fully understand. His Dad drove him quietly to a place called Church. They hardly talked the whole way their, and the only thing Jeremy remembers is his Dad saying "I'll be back at 8 to pick you up." Jeremy liked Church because he could go his whole day there and not have people bother him or talk to him. It was like hiding for the world. Even though he liked being invisible and not being found out, yet deep down he wanted someone to find him and be with him. That night, Someone did. Jeremy heard a story of God, who no one could hide from, and would never leave leave anyone who believed that He is real. This sounded to good to be true for Jeremy, but he wanted to believe it. This God that they talked about forgave mistakes, healed distrust and would be like a perfect Father to those who would trust Him. Jeremy knew where this was going and began to break down over the story and more importantly over this God.

Crying, Jeremy went to find someone who would help him understand how to get this God and how to believe in Someone he could not see. Jeremy is told that he does not have to "do" anything, just believe that God is real and present, and trust His Son with everything. As likely you would guess, Jeremy did not like the idea of trusting Jesus in this way. He still have a lot of distrust when it came to relying on people, whether it was Jesus Christ or not, but he had to do something. Jeremy wanted to trust this Jesus and be known by this perfect Father, and so through tears, he said that he would - not even knowing what that means. Jeremy just knew that this God showed up and called him out of hiding into the light and wanted to be with him, and that was enough. Jeremy trusted in Jesus to bring him to the Father, and his life has never been the same.

Since that night Jeremy has had a roller coaster of a life, with good and bad times alike. At times he would try and hide from God, but it never worked - Jesus always found him and called him out. Another time a rough situation came, but Jesus is there and Jeremy can trust Him to be there. There is no place that he can go that Jesus is not present also. There is no mistake or evil so bad that Jesus would not forgive him, and there is no hiding place good enough that Jesus would not find him. At times Jeremy thought it impossible that Jesus could ever find him in the mistakes he made and forgive him for what he had done, and it was those times that Jesus showed up the brightest and forgave the most.

Blessings from a pilgrim
Later

Making my bed

A dear friend of mine lost his buffalo yesterday - at least that is when I heard about it. He died, to my knowledge, of unknown causes. I have gone down there a few times now and have grown to love those buffalo, and it pains me to hear that even one has died. But truth is, now three have in the past months. That leaves only one of the baby buffalo.

God, I know it is a strange request, but I ask that you give comfort to my friends as they experience loss. This is of no comparison to the loss that you experience when you sent and watched you own son die, but the pain is still real. If anything, help me be lead by your spirit to understand what I can do to serve my friend as they experience this pain. Amen

I was house/baby sitting last night for a family in our youth group. I knew the family. Kind of. Even still, it is very strange to stay at someone's house and take on the role of a parent. Being put in this situation, it made me think of stories when I was a kid and when my parents had some interaction with me. Add to this a conversation that I had with my sister on the same subject (how her relationship with our parents has effected her life) and a lot of things that happened over the weekend. One story that I remember was when I was about 6 years old.

Every night or every few nights we had the change the sheets on our bed and make our beds before we go to sleep that night. I would normally remember to do this right before I went to bed and sometime my Dad would help me with it. At least that is what he said. We would be watching TV when it came time to go to bed. Dad sent me down stairs and said he would be down in a minute to help, and most times he would. A few times I was fast enough to get down there, make my bed, and hide before he showed up. I looked forward to him finding me and making me go to bed. It was like hide and seek, and it was one of the positive interaction that I remember having with my Dad. I'll be honest, it got to the point that I looked forward to changing my sheets and making my bed just so Dad would come and find me and put me to bed.

One night Dad sent me to bed and said that he would be down in a minute or so. I rushed down the stairs, made my bed and hid under my bed. I was so excited to see if my dad could come find me. I waited in excitement for the door to open and see my dad come in and look for me. And I waited. And waited. He never came down that night to find me, I nearly fell asleep under my bed hiding. I came out and went to bed thinking that he either forgot or didn't think it was important to come find me. I don't like this part of my memory.

The night my Dad didn't show up something happened to me. I felt forgotten and neglected. I don't think I realized it at the time, but this effected how I relate to my father and how I view people in general. I lost my ability to depend on people. At the end of the day, I just simply don't believe people really care - about me or anything. I was hurt, and still hurt over the fact that he didn't show up. This has even affected my view of God and his presence and faithfulness.

I want to be extremely clear now. I am not angry or mad at my dad at all. I love him more now than ever before. I simply wanted to share a story of how my life has been drastically changed by a single event in my life. Relationship between father and son are some of the most impacting situations that I know of. Though this one seems small, it has made much more of an impression than I thought it would. I share this story because I believe when we bring things to the light, God can allow healing to take place. Not only that, but others might be able to find healing through this as well.

To all the Dads out there, or anyone that might be a dad in the future. Do not forget your kid, it might seem silly to tuck him in at night or walk with him out to the bus, or even wish him a happy birthday now that he is long gone at college, but I tell you as a son. It means the world and more.

I have felt a great deal of pain in my life - mostly relational - and I would do it all again and more to hear my dad say that he loves me, or to see him show up when I need him. Those mean the world (I am crying writing this) to me, and I would imagine others as well. Please, as a Dad or parent or even just a friend, show up and be there. It won't be easy, but it is worth it

Blessings from a pilgrim
Later

Current Annoyance

My current annoyance with writing is, whenever something truly worth writing about happens, I don't have the time or the words to write about it. Lame!

I talked with my little sister yesterday, my grandpa turned 84 and was moving furniture with my Dad. I am glad my dad is hanging out with grandpa more.

My post may or not come this week. I have a whole lot to do this week. For a pilgrim, this would be the uphill climb. The only thing that I want to do is get through it, but I also know that this is the time when the most learning will take place. I am going to have to make time to write I guess. Pray for me, that is a whole ton coming my way

Blessings
Later

Leading in Active Learning Environments- Obj. One

The objective reads: Comprehends organizational leadership principles, employing them for the articulation of a vision, evaluation of existing realities, development of strategy, and the implementation of a plan of action.

There is a progression within this objective. First I need to understand the principles of leading an organization, all the people involved and the culture of it, and how to grow a group instead of just a person. The dynamics change drastically when going from an individual to a group. There are certain things that exist when more than one person is involved. There is a culture that exist in groups or even between friends, and definitely within an organization. Leading the organization would involve existing or speaking into that culture and moving it in a direction for change. How do I lead an organization, even just a small group, the first is to be able to understand where they are before trying to move them somewhere else. There needs to be some level of trust or authority before leading can really take place.

As it relates to my small group that meets on Wednesday nights. The first thing I need to do is get to know all the students in my group and build a level of trust. Yet at the same time I cannot slow down the program aspect of the group - I can't stop teaching or leading the group just to get to know the students. The relationships will have to build themselves or be built outside the context of the group in order for the group to continue to progress. Building the relationship in the group means experiencing things together, whether positive or negative experiences that everyone can relate to and can participate. The group could easily do the bible study without any of the things listed, but with common experiences and a relationship of trust I believe the group can begin to grow in ways that it couldn't before.

In the process of getting to know students in my small group I will find the personalities within the group and the strong dynamics that exist between the individuals. It might be a culture of hanging out, or playing video games, or heavy discussion. It is then the role of the leader to take those dynamics and position or deal with them for the best of the group. If the culture of the group is heavy on discussion, lead discussion. If the group is active and wants to get involved, find areas or opportunities for involvement. Every group is different and needs to be dealt with differently. Group will vary in how willing they are to get into deep issues of life, or how willing they are to take action, but whatever the group it is my role to help them grow where to would not normally.

In addition to knowing the group personality and culture, the next principle that comes up is the abilities and skills of the group. The natural leaders will rise to the surface, those that don't really want to be there will communicate their distaste, the disruptive ones will be notices and so forth. Take the natural leader and give him a chance to lead discussion or present a lesson. Have a conversation with the student that doesn't like to be there and figure out they dislike about group or would prefer about group. Give disruptive students either something to disable them or allow within the group a chance for them to get it out of their system. The result is put those with a positive influence in a higher place of influence, and remove or at least lower those with a negative affect on the group. My goal as a leader is to know the gifts and abilities of those in the group and build a "team" around those gifts for the benefit of the group. The group as a whole will have a "sweet spot", an area that is really good at, and that is another chance to position them to shine and use their gifts.

Once a group has been developed and a "team" has been built, a leader can begin to dream and create a vision for what that particular team can accomplish. Much like everything within a group or organization, everything changes with the individuals that make the group. Initially when casting a vision it is open ended with little concrete objectives, mostly because I don't believe a vision should be something that is obtainable, but also because as a group we need something to shoot for. A vision takes the passions of the group, what makes the group excited and pushes it to a new level for something to chase after, something beyond the immediate reach of those involved. A vision is both a challenge and exciting. A vision would be comparable to a distant or future goal that is currently improbable but not impossible."Think of all the possibilities...!"

Since I haven't got to know the students within my group, it is hard to cast an accurate vision of what could truly happen through them and what they could become. But regardless of the group, some aspects of a vision don't change regardless of persons involved. With a vision you want to envision each person involved living passionately for Christ and using their gifts and abilities to their fullest potential. The group working together seamlessly as an organic machine to accomplish something impossible apart from the group. I want to see the group as a place where student not only enjoy but thrive in and leave empowered.

Getting to knowing the group and developing a team would be considered point A, the vision would be thought of as point B, leaving the leader to create a plan to get from one point to the other. To do this there needs to be a strategy. Much like a road map taking turn by turn directions, a strategy has step by step objectives to reach to goal and chase after the greater vision of what the group can do. A strategy involves all the knowledge gained from beginning to end and working together with the team to create objectives or steps to best go after the vision that has been cast. Unlike a vision, a strategy is very concrete, measurable and totally achiveable at every step.

Implementing a plan of action is the last part of leadership that is done, but far from least important. Not taking action would be like making a cake and then not baking it. You do all the hard work without any results. Implementation can either be done causally or aggressively depending on the group dynamic and the culture the group exist in. Given what I know of my group so far, I would say that the more aggressively we go after the vision and objectives within our strategy, the more receptive they will be do being a part of it. They don't seem like a group that just wants to be causal about going after something, but wants to dive headlong with everything. This is still the beginning so it is hard to say what will truly take place when it comes to implementation.

Part of this project is to report back on how the objective was met or attempted. Given that I remember, I will report back after a few weeks and let you know how it is going.

Blessings
Later