Discovering my idol

I must say, this has been a very exciting morning! I went to "see you at the pole" this morning, a national time of prayer for students and teachers alike. The turn out was incredible - not because there was a lot of students, but because the student who showed up actually cared and were willing to stand out there, even if it meant standing alone. That is a challenge to me, I don't think I could do that.

As soon as I showed up at the High School, I felt something. I felt the pressure, the darkness and gloom of the environment of High School. I don't care how nice a school might be or seem, there is a strange darkness that exist at schools. I know that students have to feel it too. This pressure to perform and conform to the norm of the School. That has to be the hardest thing for Christians who are supposed to be salt and light in the darkness. I can't even imagine.

Before I left the school I was presented with an opportunity to get into the school. There are after school bible studies in the different schools around the area and I was invited to help with the local one in the area. I am so excited! A student started it a few years ago and it has since fizzled out, and some students want to bring it back. I said that I am more than willing to help. I would really enjoy the chance to work with students to reach their school from within their school. I have already contacted different students to see if we can get together and make a plan. So Excited!!

As for this idol business... Not an easy subject to tackle, but something that needs to be addressed.
I few weeks ago Chris and I got onto the subject of idols and the different ones that people have. His was easy, and he knew it. Running. But when I asked him and myself, "what is my idol? - what is more important than God?" we weren't able to come up with an answer. I could have thought that since I couldn't see mine that I didn't have one, but that isn't true. The Holy Spirit has been showing me that there is something that is taking the place of importance that God should have in my life. When it comes to making a decision, God is not in the decision making process. This is a problem, and sinful. So I began to ask myself what is that more important thing in my life, what is taking the place of my God?

What is my idol? My conclusion: People and their supposed perception of me. Or possibly, what I think people's perception of me is. I don't know when I realized this, but I know it is true. I fear people and see myself through their eyes instead of my own. Fear of rejection, of tension in relationships, of people not liking me, of being found out. I have built up my idol and let it run my life and even gets in the way of worshiping God the way that I should. I hate it, but at the same time it is part of me. I don't know how to get rid of it. I pray that God would remove it from my life. What a mess I am...

Another day of learning.
Blessings from a pilgrim,
Later

Party at the Bodanza's

What I crazy weekend... Tons of stories from this one for sure. I will start on Thursday, that is when the weekend started for me.

After work on Thursday I had training for a new job that is starting up in the area. There is me, the other intern, and a bunch of other high schoolers working at this place. In the good nature of making small talk, someone asked what my degree was in which led me to talk about becoming a youth pastor, church, and Christianity. Nothing much came of it during training, but afterwards this is the conversation that we had via text messages:

Stefanos: Yoyo r u a buser only??
Me: As far as i know

Stefanos: Ok. R u a priest?
Me: Not exactly. youth pastor.
Stefanos: Oh I see so wat does that do
Me: It is like a pastor except for students and younger people. it is like the HR person for a church
Stefanos: Oh lol kk. I don't rly know cuz I'm Eastern Orthodox. Do u know what that is?
Me: is that like the catholic church?
Stefanos: It's similar but we are older then them. The apostles and Jesus started our church in the middle then spread to eastern europe. Lol
Me: Oh. That is a little different than. What church do you go to then?
Stefanos: St. Michaels and St.Sava. St Michael is like my CVC. Where do you go I can go to CVC and learn about what you guys do?
Me: I am actually Interning at CVC now, so I guess you could say that is my church. It would cool to switch it up and see what you guys do though.
Stefanos: Ya it's very interesting. Every Sunday we preform Liturgy which means Heavenly Worship. And while this is going on we are "in" Heaven. We believe in the most Holy Trinity! Jesus, Holy Spirit, The Father. . Would you wanna come this Sunday if you don't mind?
Then take me to the CVC I wanna see how you do stuff there
Me: I am teaching the middle Schoolers this Sunday, so that wouldn't work for me. Any other Sundays would work better for me, what time is your services?
Stefanos: Ok next Sunday is ok? 10 am.
Me: I would have to ask before i can say one way or another
Stefanos: Ask who?
Me: My supervisor over me. Since I am here for an internship, I have to report to people above me. Otherwise I would say sure, but since I don't know what we have going on next week I can't give an answer
Stefanos: Kk tell me when u find out?
Me: sure thing. You might have to remind me though, I tend to forget things.

It was really cool to have a conversation like that and be so open about it too. I am going to ask about going to his church and maybe get him and some of his friends to come to the CVC. I am excited to see him at work and get into discussions with him about faith and beliefs.

Below is a picture of some books that I rescued out of the trash on Friday before leaving for Men's Retreat. Some old Latin books, history books, and a few novels as well. I think over all a good find for free.







These are the cabins that we stayed in Friday night for the retreat. They were really nice, a little too warm for me personally.

This is the next morning where everyone did their quiet times. Everyone did it without being asked or pushed. It was a great seen to see God as a priority among men.

To Summarize, the retreat was very important because I got to join a group of guys who also wanted to pursue God. Most of them as old or older then me. Though, I am pretty sure that I was the youngest guy there short of maybe one guy. I really enjoyed the retreat because it was like having fifty father figures to hang out with for a weekend. It was great and something that I will look forward to in the future.

Next on the list of events was my birthday party at the Bodanza's!
I turned 22 on Sept 22nd this year. People call that the golden birthday. You might ask, what did I do for such a once in a life time event. Answer: nothing. only 15-20 people said "happy birthday" I don't want to sound like I am whining, because that is not the case. I just want to point out that when facebook is removed and people have to relay on themselves, it doesn't work out that well. Technology is only a tool created by man, and man is a fallen creature. Need I say more? Face to face is where it is at, that is how God created us, and He is perfect. Just saying. okay, I am done.

Anthony is in Middle School and he put on my party for me, and I can't think of a better party. We had home made pizza, looked at shells from FL, and just talked about whatever. After we finished dinner they brought out the cake and ice cream. My cake had 22 candles on it, each placed with care. I am pretty sure the cake was home made as well. It was all wonderful and will be remembered for some time. Once all the food was in our bellies we said done and played some board games and wrestled on the couch. I can't describe what that was like. Just to be able to sit done and have fun without worrying about a fight between parents or between kids.

The presents were perfect too. I got one. A gift card to Amazon.com for books. just what I needed. I look forward to getting some more books and learning more. This is a birthday to change birthdays for sure.

Blessings from a pilgrim,
Later

Find of the day

Find of the day: books

Learning about Teaching

I was given the opportunity to teach Middle School this Sunday and I took it without much thought. I enjoy teaching people and learning new things myself. Honestly though, I always end up learning more myself than what I end up teaching, it just happens that way. I also always get immensely frustrated with myself and what I am teaching because I don't normally fit into the "teacher" mold very well. I constantly compare myself with other people that I have seen or heard teach and I try and be like them. I also always think that I have to be perfect (Which I know I should try for, but will never happen) but never am. I end up spending far more time thinking about teaching about what I am going to say rather than learning myself and knowing the subject for myself. Very frustrating!

The Frustration leads me to question what I am doing wrong. I said at home last night for an hour or more wondering why I always have such a hard time teaching while others seem to be very natural at it. I freak-out and get no where, and others actually enjoy it. Why can't I be like them? I continued to question myself and even questioned Rachel about myself, "how can I teach this passage?" What I learned looking back is that I was asking the wrong question. I asked myself "how can I become like them, those that I have seen teach?" Instead I need to start asking myself, "how do I best teach? How do I best communicate truth to people?" Another way to ask it, "How can I become better at being the person God created rather than trying to be something else?"

With a solid question, I can now draw some good conclusions. Once I understood the question that I should be asking myself I knew all the conclusions that I have asked so far would have to change. Before I thought that I needed to try harder to fit the mold of "teacher" but now I am finding that I just don't fit the mold at all. The way I teach a story is vastly different than anyone else, because I am vastly different from everyone else. Rachel says, and I am near agreement, that I teach best with stories. I am not sure what that means exactly, but it was freeing enough to know that I can stop trying to force myself into that "teacher" mold that works with perfect outlines (the one with three main points and illustrations for each).

I don't think that I have made any progress in terms of knowing how I teach, but I at least stopped going backwards and can start forward. I have heard that 90% of problem solving involves just finding the problem. If that is the case, I am well on my way. But that last 10% is going to be tough. I have also heard that 43% of statistics are made up on the spot, or was it 64%. I can't remember (that is a joke for those that didn't catch it). It has been a pleasure learning with you.

Blessings from a pilgrim
Later

Rachel and the Chamber Singers

Call from the principal - life as an Intern

At first glance I am sure you are thinking what most did. "You don't go to public school and you are surely not in a situation to be called by the principal." That is what I thought too. Here is how the story goes, in light of the Missio Dei series we started and other events that have taken place the last couple of days, I decided to be more purposeful about reaching students. I decided that if other organizations can get into public schools and reach at risk students for Christ, I can too. So, I called a few schools and left messages asking what the visiting policy - seeing as I have never been before, I figured I would ask before just showing up.

A few days pass over the weekend, and Monday morning rolls around and I get a call. It is the principal from one of the schools that I wanted to visit students at, and he wasn't happy with me. At all. I answered calmly thinking that I was getting an answer to my question, I was wrong. He sounded rather upset about my message and further told me that he was. Apparently me asking about the school visiting policy put up some red flags and the school was ready to get the police involved. I am freaking out now thinking I might get in trouble with the cops, so as quickly and clearly as possible I explain myself and my situation. Saying, I am an intern at a local church, and I just wanted to visit some students from the youth group over lunch. I didn't want any trouble and if it a problem I can back off, not questions asked.

After some explaining and talking things through I realized the mistakes I made and apologized for the scare. I didn't really think through the fact that a middle aged man calling with an out of state number to a local high school to visit random students sounds kind of shady. I didn't leave any reason for visiting students or names of students that I wanted to see. To them I was just another creep that wanted to mess with the school systems. I thought that I would just leave a message and keep it short, but that is not the case with the educational system. They like details.
Another day lived, another lesson learned.

Here is a journal entry after my first Missio Dei small group also:
"Last night I went to the men's small group study for Missio Dei. I went expecting to find some men who had got together to read a devotional and pray, maybe do a discussion or something too, but nothing else. The reality of what I found was incredible! Fifty or more humble men who desire to pursue God. Not perfect, but growing and chasing after God. Needless to say at this point, I am very excited about the group of rag-tag spiritual soldiers that I have been privileged to join the ranks with.

"As for the series and the group work itself, there is only one way to describe it: Spiritual butt kicking! God is after me and has a good deal of pride to work through. It is going to be one crazy ride! There is no place, no room, and no time for fakers - I experienced that for the first time last night. When it comes to following Christ you are either in or out, not much in between. Revelations calls them "lukewarm" not good.

"I further believe this is going to be good for Chris and I, and the relationship between us. Nothing builds a friendship like being beat up together. I think if we stick this out, we could be friends for a really long time. I am excited (but you knew that already)! I prayed for a friend to pursue God with and I am finding myself with a family/army.

"Oh God, pursue me! Fill me with your spirit and let me come into your presence. May I know you and serve you more. God I want to love you more. I am lost and blind, lead me to your truth and hold me in your love. For you alone God, have salvation."

Blessings from a pilgrim
Later

Missio Dei

Yesterday the church I am working at started a new series titled Missio Dei. The phrase means, "The Mission of God" and it is going to be awesome! The Mission to give up our lives and comforts for the sake of the gospel, for the sake of advancing Christ's Kingdom into this world. For as John said, He must increase and I must decrease! Pray that this wouldn't be some fad that the church is going through, but a complete change in church culture! A passionate determination to follow Christ regardless of the cost, to whatever lengths for the sake of the gospel and His Kingdom.

 

My Starbucks friend, Chris and I are going a small group that meets on Monday night during the Missio Dei series. I personally am very excited about the chance to connect with more people who are going after God's mission. The group meets for eight weeks, during which we will have a work book that we are going through and hopefully different projects to get involved with. I know at the very least that there is going to be conversations that take place during the next few weeks that will change my life and people that I will meet that will have great influence in my spiritual walk.

Another big event that is taking place over the next week is Men's Retreat. Friday afternoon into Saturday evening a bunch of men from our church are going out to a camp ground to learn about God and mentoring others to grow in their relationship to Christ. Older men to younger men, peer to peer relationship, even younger to older. It is going to be a relational weekend that will challenge me and push me in my own spiritual growth as well as train me to push others in their relationship.

Rachel is doing well last I talked to her. She got to help with flood relief on Thursday in north east PA where they got hit by Hurricane Irene. The whole school shut down for the day to help the community, incredible.

Then of course there was when she came out to visit me last weekend. The Cleveland orchestra was incredible as well and I can hardly wait to see her again - probably toward the middle of October.

One thing that I learning right now is this: Be content. With where I am, what I am doing and the job God has given me. Not spiritually, but positionally. It is very easy for my to start complaining about being in Ohio as an intern at this successful church that is doing very well. When I have more spiritual conversations with people from the city, that seems like the place to be, but God has me here for some reason. It wasn't until last night that I had any idea why.

In the midst of a conversation about Missio Dei I said that being a Christian is more than just being saved or even bring other people to salvation. Christianity is a continuing process. It is about bringing people closer to Christ whether they are saved or not. That is what I believe am doing here, helping believers people grow to a closer relationship with Christ in the context of a Christian community I call church. This might seem like common sense or even obvious fact, but it came as a surprise to me. I have felt confused about what I am doing here the last couple of weeks, but now I at least have an idea. My job would be to make followers of Christ into passionate followers of Christ, to move people to a deeper relationship with Christ from wherever they are. To quote the phrase at the top of this page, to enjoy bringing others along on the journey.

Blessings from a pilgrim

Later