Body of Believers

Here is a conversation that I had with my sister the other day

Sister: Hey. who were the ppl that live on bender, that you always talked with about bikes?

Me: Duane and Alice. Yeah, they are good friends of mine. They go to church, too. If you need something they will take care of you, tell them you are my sister.

Sister: Oh i know. they came up to me this morning and told me if i ever needed anything at all i could come over for any amount of time. they told me where the key was and basically gave the the whole layout of the house lol it was awesome. i almost started crying when i went back to talk with the guys.

Me: Body of Christ is pretty cool, huh? Tell them I said hello and that I really appreciate them

Sister: Will do!! but yeah its defiantly been super cool lately...very over whelming

This is just one of many different examples of the wonderful Body of Christ and how God is caring for my family (importantly my sister) during this time. Incredible!

Later

Kicked in the Face

God has been doing something around here, it is very exciting. I'll give you the quick overview (for those who don't want to read) about what is happening in my neck of the woods.

The gist:
For the first time since I have been going to church out here, we had kids from youth group come to the morning service. I had the chance to go over to a different students home and begin to build a relationship with him. My Mom and Dad are going to counseling tomorrow to work on their marriage(doesn't seem like good news, but based on the previous post this is great news). Though unknown to me, my sister went to the ER and has came back with nothing major. I am working at getting an internship this summer for a youth ministry position. See bottom of post for prayer request and relationship update.

The Detailed version:
We have been working with the same group of kids at youth group for a long time now, about a year, and have seen little to no growth from our labor. Yeah on or two kids have gotten saved, but don't really go anywhere with it - just fire insurance to them. But today we were greatly blessed to see four of them in church this morning. Not saying that going church makes people spirit, or is the fruit, but the fact that they want to pursue growth and a knowledge of God is wonderful to see. Pray that God would continue to be working in the youth group and that these students would begin to grow

On Saturday Rachel and I had the chance to go over to our church family house and hang with them for the afternoon. We went sledding (I got kicked in the face when Rachel went over the jump, just a scratch) and played chess and cards. Rachel and I are like big brothers and sisters to the family, and we both enjoyed our time there. I particularly wanted to go so as to begin building a purposeful relationship with their oldest son. Even though I might not be able to stick around for long, I think it will be valuable for him to have that relationship. I know that I would have loved to have that growing up. Pray that Rachel and I would have a positive influence on the lives of these kids and help them grow in the image of Christ

I got a text from my Dad this evening about my sister, said everything was okay and they were headed home. She was having chest pains near the heart. Turned out to be a muscle strain between her ribs - much better than a heart problem. Pray that my sister would not have any further health issues.

I replied back to Dad asking how everything else was going. Much better he said, and they are having their first counseling session tomorrow. The fact that communication is much more opened and things are being talked about is really good. I feel like I have a dad, even if we still don't talk as much as we should. Also, he is much more receptive of spiritual conversation and ideas. Pray that my parent's counseling session goes well tomorrow and that ultimately my parents would come to salvation

In times past, as talked about in earlier post, spiritual things were something we just never discussed. Now he says that he appreciates my prayers and is reading spiritual books. I believe that if Dad comes to Christ and receives salvation that the situations at home will calm down and maybe mom might even get better, too. Pray for continued spiritual interest.

I say things because when a man in the bible came to believe then shortly their after it would sometimes say that the rest of his household believed as well. That is what I believe God can do. Cool thing about it is that we haven't witnessed to my dad much, we just have a hope that they don't understand. A joy that can't be put out. We have Christ and it is attractive.

Rachel and I are doing well. We had a disagreement the other day (Wednesday) that lasted a few days (until Friday), but by refocusing on what was important and a lot of communication and clarification God shorted it out. We talked and prayed on Friday, then once we finished praying Rachel said she felt much better about the issue. It wasn't anything major, but could have grown into something big if not dealt with quickly. (Pray that we continue to work out our differences and grow in our relationship to God and one another and even help others overcome the same struggles that we have faced.)

I feel like that is something that occurs with my parents. Instead of dealing with issues when they are small, they would brush them under the rug and have to deal with them when they are uncontrollable.

God is working and it is incredible to be a part of what He is doing. Can hardly wait to see what the final product will look like in heaven. Hold onto hope.

Later

Back Story

Today I thought that I would fill those who read in with some back story of where I am coming from and what has led up to my family situation currently. What my parents were like growing up, what my siblings were like as well as how they reacted to this situation, some conflict that we dealt with, and a basic overview of my family.

If I could describe my family and home life with a word I think it would be Tension or possibly Messy. It was rarely calm at our house, there was always some kind of argument going around whether it was about one of the kids, moving to a new house, or the condition of the house. An issue that still comes up even today is schooling, and my mom's "stuff" that she has around the house. Church and religion always seemed to cause some tension when it was mentioned at the house, I know that my mom didn't like it and my dad would hesitate about the idea.

My mind is swelling with all the different things that went on at home. I could easily write a few paragraphs about anything that I listed above. I will try and keep it the important things or things that are still current issues.

Schooling is easy. We weren't. We had no schooling what so every, at home or at school. The older ones might have done some grade school but as far as my life was concerned I had no education. My sister finally convinced my mom that it would be a good idea for her to attend college at the age of 18. With a great fight she won and the older girls started college - that being there only education that they know of, mind as well.

My parents had a lessening role in my life as I got older. I remember helping my dad with yard work when I was younger and my mom helping us with lunch, but as soon as we were old enough to fend for ourselves they became less and less involved. Now I have to initiate any conversation to even know what is going on at home, but most of the time I just go to my parents if I need something. Rarely, if ever do I call them just to talk.

Something that all of us kids dealt with was the fighting. My parent's would fight like it was a religion. Every day my dad would come home from work, bring in his bags and be met by my mom and then they would fight for 30 minutes or so before we would have dinner. Sometimes the fights would get so bad that we would try and leave but we weren't allowed to for whatever reason. My mom said that it was tough love as she yelled in my sisters crying face. My older sister tried to take us to the park until things cooled down, still we were told we couldn't be taken and my sister got slap in the face by my mom.
The fighting was so damaging and consistent in our lives that we imagine it even know. If I were to go home and hear a noise from the garage (where they normally fought) I would mentally think that they were fighting and would hear voices even though either of them were home. My baby sister would attest to the same - hearing voices and getting nervous whenever there is tension building to a fight.

Church was something that I just recently learned about over break. For the first time to my knowledge I had a honest heart to heart with my dad for an hour. Granted it was about the issues we were going through and the possibility of a divorce, but it is still the most valued conversation I have had with my dad in my life. We also talked about my dad and mom going to church when they were just married. They were very involved in a church of some religious faith, but my mom would get in peoples faces about going to hell or not believing and before long and that didn't last long. Soon they stopped all together with the idea of church, yet my mom continued in some new age religion or postmodern thought. "As long as you believe in something with your heart you will be okay." and "As long as you have peace within you are bound for heaven." would be things that she would say if you could get her to talk about it.
My sister and I witnessed to her for two hours only to hear her say that she is already saved. We told her that she doesn't act like it, nor does she proclaim it, or anything else we are told christian do when saved by God's wonderful grace. In reply she said that she could accept that no one thought she was a Christian. My sister and I thought that was kind of defeated the purpose of being a christian if no one knows you are and no one believes it if you tell them.

I could go on for hours about things that happen at my house, but I think you get the picture. It is a mess for sure. Yet THIS is what God saved my brother and sisters and I out of. From a Christ-less, Church-less, faithless home we were saved and are growing. My little sister is growing like a weed when it comes to faith because of the consent pressure and trials at home. We were called out of this for a different purpose, and a different life.

I am currently taking a class called "Family Life" at the college, which discusses the roles of parents and the environment of the home. I am very excited to take the class and learn about what the family is suppose to be like when God is central and love is abounding. Some specifics that I would like to learn from the class would be:

• Role(s) of parents
• Husband wife relationship
• Disciplining children
  
• Family devotions
• dealing with conflict
• child parent relationships
• Over all I would like a window into a good family so I can know what one looks like.
  

These may require the teacher to be very transparent about his home or possibly that I read books about people in the past would have been transparent.

In order for this to happen there are two things I believe need to happen. The first is that I need to be willing to open up and deal with my past. The second is that I cannot allow my presuppositions of family life or home life block me from learning. I need to be willing to change and accept the ideas of the teacher.

Other than that all is well on the home front.
Later

The Semester ahead

I wish there was a why to bring you into the conversations that I have with my sisters who are at home. Not that I want you to be sorry for us or that I wish to cast my burden on you, but so that you could see the hope Christ brings to my younger siblings. I am convinced that if not for Christ our lives as the younger siblings would be drastically different that they are now, we would all be very different people. Some of us might not even be here. I know that I have thought on more than once occasion that death would be easier than life. Yet the by God's great grace I am here today trying my best to keep everyone else here too. I understand what Paul was saying when he said that it is better to with the Lord than it remain, yet for the sake of others he stayed.

I am not saying that the only reason that I stay is because of others, but that is why I continue to pursue my family and my parents. If not for my sisters I might have left my parents high and dry by now. Yet the Love of Christ compels me to strive with them and minister to them.

Rachel and I talk last night about the coming semester and what it looks like for either of us. We realized that this is going to be a hard transitional semester for us in which a lot of change must take place. We aren't kids any more nor can we hide behind this school much longer. For me this semester means that I work at becoming able to support myself with a job that is leading to a career. I need to stop having a job for a jobs sake and start to be strategic about where I work and the ministries that I am involved. I cannot speak for Rachel, but from my understand it is also a big transition for her, one of trusting God. She does not know where this semester will lead her and that is scary for her. She understands that she has to stop what she is doing, but she does not know what she has to start. Much like when God gives us a command saying, "don't do this, but do this" Rachel is on the comma right now - waiting to see where God will lead her.

Both Rachel and I am a lot more time on our hands then past semester and we both are looking forward to purposefully using that time to grow or help others grow. I am greatly looking forward to what this semester will bring and more importantly where it will bring me.

Later

She is salt

I had the chance to talk with my little sister today - very encouraging and yet heart breaking.

She is trying very hard to be home as little as possible due to the fighting from my parents and the constant tension that exist between everyone that is home. Also it is just way more fun to be out of the house and doing stuff rather than being at home.

Home from her perspective is strange - she doesn't want the divorce but she understands that it might be necessary to get anything accomplished at home or with the relationships involved there. It was also interesting to hear her perspective of Dad and how he has changed from even considering the possibility of divorce. She says for the first time that she can remember she is able to talk with Dad and have a conversation without being scared. They are starting to plan dinner and have chores (cleaning, cooking, yard work, etc.) For most this seems unpleasant, but for those of us who have never had a relationship with our parents, nor had parents who have had any desire to influence their kids - this is great!

I wrote in my journal over break when I was home that I would love to have parents that spanked me or made me do things around the house. But there was little concern that led to action in the area of parent/child relationships.

Enough with the sap-story. My sister was also telling me about what is going on at school and I am blown away. I go to a bible college and I have never seen this kind of faith put into action. She desires to be salt and light in her school and is taking action to do so. She wants to be an influence to those around her and won't let the school system stand in her way. She desires to fear and obey God and is doing so quiet well. She is respecting her teachers even when they deny God, she doesn't complain even when she (I think) has some reason, nor is she doing slopping work because she knows she is working for God. She has the chance to influence the lives of girls around her, both believer and unbeliever, the moral and amoral. She is salt.

Pray for her, that she would receive wisdom and encouragement. She has the chance to talk with a girl that is about to get an abortion at the age of 15. She wants to shower her with the love of Christ but really doesn't know how. The girl is not a friend of my sister and has little interaction, but my sister is determined to reach out.

Pray for me as I try my best to be an encouragement to my family - parents and siblings. Wisdom to know what to say and when it say it if at all. Also the energy to get all my assignments done on time while dealing with the stress of what is going on at home and here at school. Finally for me, pray about a youth ministry internship option that I have coming up in two weeks. I have to apply and have an interview still, but it looks promising. I need to work out some school stuff here, and it may not work but I would like to try.

That is all the news from the front

Later

Email from Dad #2

Hello all

Nothing new on the front, same battle as normal. I don't believe that anything new has developed at home other than my mom yelling at my sisters last week before their trip to wal-mart. I did have the chance to talk with the older of the two younger sisters... she is very broken. Her Dad is hardly home and when he is it brings a fight between the parents, and mom hates her now. It isn't easy at all, but they are holding in their strong both of my sisters. They are holding on to faith like a life-preserver and taking in truth like air. Their faith is going and becoming strong. Whatever won't kill it only makes it stronger. Continue to pray for them.

From my perspective it is very hard to stay here when they are going through so much at home. At the very least it is hard to focus on doing homework or even enjoying a meal knowing that they cannot have the same privilege as I do to eat in peace. I have a hard time doing much of anything when I am thinking about them.

I did get a encouraging email reply from my Dad today (see previous post to see the beginning of the tread). I'll share that with you who read:

Thanks for your thoughts. It means a lot to hear from you and your siblings. I am proud to have you as my son. You are growing wise beyond your years. I am sorry that all of you are having to deal with this now and all the years in the past.

My hopes with the counseling are that we don’t all become a statistic like so many others, that I might find out what behavior I might have that causes Audrey to feel the way she does about me as well why she behaves the way she does. It was not easy in the past but I am willing to try it again.

Getting a divorce is far easier said then done and it won’t necessarily make things any better. We pretty much have a year to decide. Next step will be the Friend of Court regarding child custody – unless she requests dismissal.

I appreciate your prayers and thank God you and your younger siblings have Christ in your life along with your friends. I am glad you are in PA instead of here. Move forward with your life but learn from us.

I started Wild at Heart. I also just finished The 7 by Glenn Beck. I am also reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Interesting how they all say there are no coincidences in life – God as stuff planned out and it was no mistake I was reading their books at this time in my life.

Love you

Say Hey to Rachel

My dad will read almost any book that I suggest for him as long as I have read it too. I had just finished Wild At Heart and thought that would be a good one. I think that I need to give him books that have the gospel in them. Wild at heart doesn't have a clear description of the gospel which I didn't like, but still had other good ideas. You have to be cautious when reading it though otherwise you might fall into his ideal that he creates in his book.

I am considering putting this on facebook so more people can know what this is like, but I don't think that I will quiet yet. I don't think my motives are right. I think that I would only be doing it for attention at this point. If word got out though I don't think I would be angry.

I am trying to finish up school this semester. Their is an internship that might be able to help me do that given that I can work things out with the school. If not then things will continue as planned to graduate in one calendar year.

Other than that not a whole lot to report here. School is school, I have homework and class again - They are a good distraction at times.

Later

Email from Dad #1

My dad's email to us kids:

Audrey and I have agreed to suspend the divorce process. We are returning to the marriage counselor we had seen in the past. We both have expressed the desire to work on the marriage instead of the divorce. I realize this still may not resolve the problems but I am willing to make the effort. I stated when served that I was not willing to seek help, while Audrey did. I have reconsidered and believe now that the continuation of this marriage is in the best interests of Audrey, our children and myself.

I used the word suspend, for now, knowing that we may find through the counseling, divorce is the best the solution. If that becomes apparent then we can pick up where we left off with the minimal amount of time. We do not want to pursue any further discovery or discuss property settlements at this time. We intend to spend time, energy and money on preserving our marriage.

Please advise what – if anything – needs to be done, now.

My responds to the letter:

Hey Dad,

I love you and I will support any choice that you make. As your son I will honor you and respect you and I will stand by you whenever and wherever. I do not and cannot fully understand the depth of your side of this but I know that it cannot be easy. I have talked with Dara Leah and Shanyne a little bit and they both love you dearly if you did not already know. We want you to be happy and to have a life, and if that means getting a divorce we will support you.

I love mom too, but I also understand that she is not all there and she needs help desperately. I cannot trust her or even talk with her without hearing lies and deceit. It is messed up - that much I do know. I am praying for you and the situation.

I am sorry that I cannot be there, I am trying my best to honor you and finish school, I would much rather be home helping everyone through this then here.

I also want you to know that God and the church are the only reason that us younger ones have been able to hold on as long as we have. The truth that God has saved us for heaven and this world is not the end is the only reason we can keep going. I pray that you might also understand that and have a hope to hold onto. Don't feel pressured, but know that you are loved.

I love you Dad
~Your son, Jeremy

There is much that has conspired over the last week or even the last few days, but I could right a rather lengthy report about that - which I don't have time for. The gist of it is that Mom has lost it once or twice toward my sisters, the older of the two defended the younger and is no longer on good terms with mom. The email says they have "agreed" on something but you must understand that they haven't agreed on anything in the last 20 years. It only means that mom have convinced my Dad to give it so she doesn't make his life worse. Our prayer at this point is that my parents come to know the lord and that my sisters are protected through this. This is more a spiritual war than a physical one.