Simple words, but I have never heard them from my dad before... before today that is.
I just had a skype conversation with my dad and sister. When we said goodbye he said, "Love you"
I am very excited about that. Now I can say my dad loves me because he told me. I couldn't say that before.
Later
Simply a pilgrim, looking for that city whose builder and maker is God, who enjoys bringing others along on the journey.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
A Date?
This has been one of the hardest weekend I have had this semester, at least so far. I am still trying to sort through the mess of emotions, attitudes, motivations and expectations. I don't know when it started exactly, but I know that it is not finished yet, I am still having a hard time.
I will say that we had a good time in seeing the opera and doing other things in NYC in terms of events, but through there was a tension that existed between Rachel and I, then toward the end of the day and into today that tension is within me. What existed between Rachel and I was false expectations for the day and for each other. What we had planed did not happen and I began mentally to blame Rachel for was happening. Later I found out that she also had tension related to her expectations for the day, which I and the day where not living up to for her. To figure this out took 4 or so hours wondering through New York.
I laugh at this because it has happened before with Rachel and I. Whenever we have the chance to go on a longer date, like for a whole day or more than one day, God has usually had us work through a bigger problem. This time it we dealt with our expectations and where we found our satisfaction. We had false expectations on the other person that they could not meet, and so neither of us were satisfied with the situation. After realizing our error we turned our expectations to God, let him plan our day. As a result we found satisfaction in God as we focused more and more on Him with the remaining part of the day.
It is cool to see how once God is the focus, everything else seems to make itself right.
As for my parents, I don't know to much more right now. Last I checked they had another session this past Monday and Dad is still searching with the different books that he is reading.
Right now I am just discouraged, having a hard time pressing on toward the prize. I know it is there and greater than my trials, but that doesn't always make it easier to fight for. I am spiritually tired, and being at school for bible, believe it or not, doesn't help much.
Pray that I would find encouragement tomorrow at church and while doing ministry. Pray also that I would be an encouragement to others as we go through life together on this earth as pilgrims and exiles. Finally pray for my family, they have made more progress in the last three weeks to my knowledge than ever before in my life. It is a wonderful things God is doing. Praise the Lord.
Later
I will say that we had a good time in seeing the opera and doing other things in NYC in terms of events, but through there was a tension that existed between Rachel and I, then toward the end of the day and into today that tension is within me. What existed between Rachel and I was false expectations for the day and for each other. What we had planed did not happen and I began mentally to blame Rachel for was happening. Later I found out that she also had tension related to her expectations for the day, which I and the day where not living up to for her. To figure this out took 4 or so hours wondering through New York.
I laugh at this because it has happened before with Rachel and I. Whenever we have the chance to go on a longer date, like for a whole day or more than one day, God has usually had us work through a bigger problem. This time it we dealt with our expectations and where we found our satisfaction. We had false expectations on the other person that they could not meet, and so neither of us were satisfied with the situation. After realizing our error we turned our expectations to God, let him plan our day. As a result we found satisfaction in God as we focused more and more on Him with the remaining part of the day.
It is cool to see how once God is the focus, everything else seems to make itself right.
As for my parents, I don't know to much more right now. Last I checked they had another session this past Monday and Dad is still searching with the different books that he is reading.
Right now I am just discouraged, having a hard time pressing on toward the prize. I know it is there and greater than my trials, but that doesn't always make it easier to fight for. I am spiritually tired, and being at school for bible, believe it or not, doesn't help much.
Pray that I would find encouragement tomorrow at church and while doing ministry. Pray also that I would be an encouragement to others as we go through life together on this earth as pilgrims and exiles. Finally pray for my family, they have made more progress in the last three weeks to my knowledge than ever before in my life. It is a wonderful things God is doing. Praise the Lord.
Later
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Email from Dad #4
I got another email from my Dad, which I am very thankful. I was kind of getting worried that I scared him or made him upset by telling him what books to read or something to that extent. He wrote back this morning wondering what I have heard about this internship that I applied for and whether I will get the position or not. I personally won't know for a while.
Also, I picked up in his email that he is becoming more discerning about what is biblical or not. He looks to see if things are based off of scripture or not, which is a good start considering where he is coming from. I praise God that he is even reading books about marriage, and now biblical ones is amazing. The book that he is reading now looks to be very solid when it comes to biblical support - much better than some of his other books that I have heard he is reading. The next step is getting him, and hopefully my mom to start reading the bible, that is what truly changes people - the word of God.
Rachel asked me today if my parents knew about this blog, at which I had to think that they really did not. I have shown them before, but they always seem to forget or have other things the keep track of to read. This lead to another thought, that my parents might not appreciate me sharing letters and emails of what is going on. So from this point I probably won't share as many letters unless I feel it is okay content.
Some friends and I have started something here on campus, pray that it grows. We are trying to fight against the complacency and push people to do something more than study the bible. We want to get people moving! If you want to know how it is going you will probably have to ask, because I don't think that I will remember to update about that on here.
Later
Also, I picked up in his email that he is becoming more discerning about what is biblical or not. He looks to see if things are based off of scripture or not, which is a good start considering where he is coming from. I praise God that he is even reading books about marriage, and now biblical ones is amazing. The book that he is reading now looks to be very solid when it comes to biblical support - much better than some of his other books that I have heard he is reading. The next step is getting him, and hopefully my mom to start reading the bible, that is what truly changes people - the word of God.
Rachel asked me today if my parents knew about this blog, at which I had to think that they really did not. I have shown them before, but they always seem to forget or have other things the keep track of to read. This lead to another thought, that my parents might not appreciate me sharing letters and emails of what is going on. So from this point I probably won't share as many letters unless I feel it is okay content.
Some friends and I have started something here on campus, pray that it grows. We are trying to fight against the complacency and push people to do something more than study the bible. We want to get people moving! If you want to know how it is going you will probably have to ask, because I don't think that I will remember to update about that on here.
Later
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Conversation with Grandparents
I had a encouraging (for the most part) conversation with my grandparents yesterday. The gist of it was that things are going well, my grandpa is still skiing at 83 years old, my dad went out to lunch with my grandpa, and over all things seem to be improving.
Now for the other part of the "most part" : Although my dad is reading spiritual books which is great, he is reading the wrong ones! He is reading Osteen and Beck that I know of. Great guys I am sure, but far from Christ. Beck is a Mormon, and the Mormom Gospel from my understand has little to do with trusting fully on the grace of God to save our skins. Osteen is a category all by himself, he preaches a prosperity gospel saying that if you follow Christ you will have your wildest dreams. He preaches false hope and therefore a false Gospel. The true gospel is that Christ died for us so that we can live with Him in when all this junk on earth is done with. Enough of my rant.
Good news is that communication is open and I have been able to talk about spiritual issues with Dad without feeling weird about the subject. I have told him twice now that he has to be very careful about the spiritual books he is reading because some/most hold false information.
Keep praying for my little sister, she is still having lots of chest pains which makes it hard for her to do activities. Keep praying for me as well, that I would have the wisdom to know how to respond to these opportunities. God is doing a marvelous work!
Later
Now for the other part of the "most part" : Although my dad is reading spiritual books which is great, he is reading the wrong ones! He is reading Osteen and Beck that I know of. Great guys I am sure, but far from Christ. Beck is a Mormon, and the Mormom Gospel from my understand has little to do with trusting fully on the grace of God to save our skins. Osteen is a category all by himself, he preaches a prosperity gospel saying that if you follow Christ you will have your wildest dreams. He preaches false hope and therefore a false Gospel. The true gospel is that Christ died for us so that we can live with Him in when all this junk on earth is done with. Enough of my rant.
Good news is that communication is open and I have been able to talk about spiritual issues with Dad without feeling weird about the subject. I have told him twice now that he has to be very careful about the spiritual books he is reading because some/most hold false information.
Keep praying for my little sister, she is still having lots of chest pains which makes it hard for her to do activities. Keep praying for me as well, that I would have the wisdom to know how to respond to these opportunities. God is doing a marvelous work!
Later
Friday, February 4, 2011
My Story
From my blog thus far you know a good deal about my back story and where I am coming from, but how on earth did I end up where I am now? What kind of journey did God take me on to get me what I am. That is the story that I would like to share with you today.
My story involves many different people who may or may not have known they had an influence on me or still do for some. To my knowledge this is only a few people that have even stayed around and had a lasting impact, most will come and go from my life. That is fine. The contribution that they have left will speak for itself, I know that I would not be anyone close to who I am today without God working through those people.
The first person was a kid from my middle school days named Caleb who was in high school. He dared to move past himself and become a friend of an awkward middle school kid, and simply be a friend. He had invited me over to his house, introduced me to his family and allowed me to walk into his life. The most important thing he did was invite me to his church to hear his story. I had been to church before once or twice, but not there and not to hear what I heard. When he spoke he talked about his exposure to porn, sin is what he called it in his story. He talked about how God hated it and would punish sin.
I had to listen to the story twice, but it finally clicked. I had sin and God hated it. Not only that but there was a punishment that is due for those that sin - something that I did desire to experience. I was completely broken, I went crying to the back for some kind of help to know how to make amends to the problem I found myself in with sin. I man prayed and I agreed to everything he said. So began the journey of my life.
Caleb came over to my house once or twice, and I went over to his house a few different times as well. He taught me how to read the bible, where to start and how to understand it. He told me that I wouldn't get it all at once, or in the first reading but that it would take time and study for it to make sense. Showed me not to be ashamed of the Bible or the gospel that saved me.
I started to go to a close church by my house and became part of the youth group. I met others that were able to lead me and teach me. There was a new youth pastor, PT, that started working with the junior high group. He really didn't do much in terms of teaching that I remember, but he did give me the time of day which is what I needed then. Coming from my house I just wanted someone who would love me - and in his own youth pastor way he did. He answered my nosy questions, help me through my doubt, and prayed for me when I would walk away. A punk for sure, but I like him just the same and think of him often.
PT suggested that I should go to bible college and become a youth pastor. Since he was such an influence on me and I desired to give the same to others, I pursued the idea. After doing my time at community college I began to make plans for a bible college.
Meanwhile, as I am getting ready to make my way to college life I worked and had people come in and out of my life. Camp directors, bosses, parents of friends, and others that are far too many to mention. But their is one that I will mention that will always have an impact on my life. He allowed me to taste what it was like to have a dad and what, I believe, ultimately led to me pursuing my own dad for the relationship that now exist. God worked through this man in such little ways, but made a lasting impact that now affect my brother and sister. All he did was open up his life to me and let me be a part of it. He would help me work through problems, assist me with projects, would take time out of his day and ride bikes with me. He also corrected me when my attitude was wrong, he would stop me from being stupid (most of the time), and wasn't afraid to tell me know if that is what I needed to hear.
It would be wrong of me not to mention his wife as well, who supports him and would also allow me to come over and be a part of their life. Thanks Duane and Alice! Miss you both and can hardly wait to visit.
Now I have arrived at bible college and life gets a kick in the pants. My life at college has been some of the best and worst times of my life for sure. I have hit some of highest, most enjoyable points in life as well as some of the greatest lows. On the one end I learned more and grew faster than I ever had imaged I would, growing in faith, knowledge and love. I gained friendships and had some great times just hanging out. On the flip side my family was still dealing with conflict that I couldn't help with at college, the thought of my sisters at home tore at me. Not being through for my siblings or my church was nearly unbearable at times. Yet God in His timing and plan allowed me to be poor and car-less so that I would be dependent on Him through the hard time. Depend on him I did. I prayed, read, and sometimes cried to God. Sometime He moved, other times he didn't, but He always had a plan and reason. Sometime I would get a glimpse of what He was doing, or even let me be a part of it. IT IS INCREDIBLE. Being a part of something far larger than myself.
Now in my senior year of Bible College God is still working through the lives of people to change me into the image of His son. Some of them are friends that have a great influence on me, other get on my nerves to test my devotion to the one who had perfect patience on me, still others are just people that walk in and out of my life in a day - all working together for good to those who love him (Romans 8:28).
That is my story in God's glory, and my place in the history of grace.
Later
My story involves many different people who may or may not have known they had an influence on me or still do for some. To my knowledge this is only a few people that have even stayed around and had a lasting impact, most will come and go from my life. That is fine. The contribution that they have left will speak for itself, I know that I would not be anyone close to who I am today without God working through those people.
The first person was a kid from my middle school days named Caleb who was in high school. He dared to move past himself and become a friend of an awkward middle school kid, and simply be a friend. He had invited me over to his house, introduced me to his family and allowed me to walk into his life. The most important thing he did was invite me to his church to hear his story. I had been to church before once or twice, but not there and not to hear what I heard. When he spoke he talked about his exposure to porn, sin is what he called it in his story. He talked about how God hated it and would punish sin.
I had to listen to the story twice, but it finally clicked. I had sin and God hated it. Not only that but there was a punishment that is due for those that sin - something that I did desire to experience. I was completely broken, I went crying to the back for some kind of help to know how to make amends to the problem I found myself in with sin. I man prayed and I agreed to everything he said. So began the journey of my life.
Caleb came over to my house once or twice, and I went over to his house a few different times as well. He taught me how to read the bible, where to start and how to understand it. He told me that I wouldn't get it all at once, or in the first reading but that it would take time and study for it to make sense. Showed me not to be ashamed of the Bible or the gospel that saved me.
I started to go to a close church by my house and became part of the youth group. I met others that were able to lead me and teach me. There was a new youth pastor, PT, that started working with the junior high group. He really didn't do much in terms of teaching that I remember, but he did give me the time of day which is what I needed then. Coming from my house I just wanted someone who would love me - and in his own youth pastor way he did. He answered my nosy questions, help me through my doubt, and prayed for me when I would walk away. A punk for sure, but I like him just the same and think of him often.
PT suggested that I should go to bible college and become a youth pastor. Since he was such an influence on me and I desired to give the same to others, I pursued the idea. After doing my time at community college I began to make plans for a bible college.
Meanwhile, as I am getting ready to make my way to college life I worked and had people come in and out of my life. Camp directors, bosses, parents of friends, and others that are far too many to mention. But their is one that I will mention that will always have an impact on my life. He allowed me to taste what it was like to have a dad and what, I believe, ultimately led to me pursuing my own dad for the relationship that now exist. God worked through this man in such little ways, but made a lasting impact that now affect my brother and sister. All he did was open up his life to me and let me be a part of it. He would help me work through problems, assist me with projects, would take time out of his day and ride bikes with me. He also corrected me when my attitude was wrong, he would stop me from being stupid (most of the time), and wasn't afraid to tell me know if that is what I needed to hear.
It would be wrong of me not to mention his wife as well, who supports him and would also allow me to come over and be a part of their life. Thanks Duane and Alice! Miss you both and can hardly wait to visit.
Now I have arrived at bible college and life gets a kick in the pants. My life at college has been some of the best and worst times of my life for sure. I have hit some of highest, most enjoyable points in life as well as some of the greatest lows. On the one end I learned more and grew faster than I ever had imaged I would, growing in faith, knowledge and love. I gained friendships and had some great times just hanging out. On the flip side my family was still dealing with conflict that I couldn't help with at college, the thought of my sisters at home tore at me. Not being through for my siblings or my church was nearly unbearable at times. Yet God in His timing and plan allowed me to be poor and car-less so that I would be dependent on Him through the hard time. Depend on him I did. I prayed, read, and sometimes cried to God. Sometime He moved, other times he didn't, but He always had a plan and reason. Sometime I would get a glimpse of what He was doing, or even let me be a part of it. IT IS INCREDIBLE. Being a part of something far larger than myself.
Now in my senior year of Bible College God is still working through the lives of people to change me into the image of His son. Some of them are friends that have a great influence on me, other get on my nerves to test my devotion to the one who had perfect patience on me, still others are just people that walk in and out of my life in a day - all working together for good to those who love him (Romans 8:28).
That is my story in God's glory, and my place in the history of grace.
Later
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Email from Dad #3
As I wrote the other day, my dad and mom had a counseling session yesterday. I prayed for them throughout the day and fasted the whole day because of how desperately I wanted the session to go well. Her is the email that I sent and received from dad concerning the session:
Me: Hey dad,
How did the counseling session go Monday? Who are you doing the counseling through? Just wanted to know how things are going so that I can pray for you guys.
Love you
Dad:
Very well thanks
We are moving forward with focus on future
Dealt with our lack of communication perceptions and money
Dialogue was open - a great start we go back in 2 weeks
We might be out to see you in March as part of trip to Phil, PA thanks for prayers Wild @ Heart has helped me
God has his way of doing things
Good night or good morning
Love ya
Proud to be your father
It has been incredible to see how him reading books and us younger kids praying for him has changed things. It is wonderful to be part of what God is doing in the life of my family.
Keep praying for my dad and mom, they have another session on the 14th. Trust God, because He is the one doing all of this, apart from Him we can and are nothing
Later
Me: Hey dad,
How did the counseling session go Monday? Who are you doing the counseling through? Just wanted to know how things are going so that I can pray for you guys.
Love you
Dad:
Very well thanks
We are moving forward with focus on future
Dealt with our lack of communication perceptions and money
Dialogue was open - a great start we go back in 2 weeks
We might be out to see you in March as part of trip to Phil, PA thanks for prayers Wild @ Heart has helped me
God has his way of doing things
Good night or good morning
Love ya
Proud to be your father
It has been incredible to see how him reading books and us younger kids praying for him has changed things. It is wonderful to be part of what God is doing in the life of my family.
Keep praying for my dad and mom, they have another session on the 14th. Trust God, because He is the one doing all of this, apart from Him we can and are nothing
Later
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